peapod full of sweet peas

Has it really been over a month?

2011-10-06T06:57:00.001-07:00

How in the world did this last month just fly by? Time is just going faster and faster. Once school started, we have been in the whirlwind of life. Every night is busy with some kind of practice or small group or activity and each week just disappears before I can get a blog post written and posted.

So...random update...the boys are doing soccer this fall. It is a huge highlight for our family and it is kind of sad to see the season almost over. Tyson has done really well playing on the next level up (playing with the 6-7yo). It has been a learning experience to say the least. Learning to play against stronger teams and kids that don't always "play nice". He is learning to find confidence even when his team doesn't win. He loves to play and we find so much joy in watching him on the field.

Tate...well...each week is hit or miss. Some weeks he wants to play and others he doesn't. I think it is just part of being 3. It is just about the cutest thing to watch him run and get a goal. He isn't as crazy about all the cheering and recognition.

Both girls are preparing for a karate tournament. They will participate in katas and sparring. They have now earned their blue belts and keep pressing ahead and still love this sport. It has now been over 18 months of karate and they love it more and more.

The girls are also both attending school 2 days a week. It was a little change from our original plan but Tristen decided she too wanted to give it a try. They are doing great and loving it. Wish we were just a little closer as the 45+ min drive isn't our favorite part.

The fall proves to be a hard season for Tyson and we are learning how to help him the best way that we can. I believe it is an anniversary of the relinquishment and there is still much to process in his feelings. He has come so far and is doing really well, but healing hurts for all those involved.

I was able to attend the Empowered to Connect Conference here this fall and it was fantastic. An event that ALL parents should be required to attend. I learned so much and I am praying that God will help me remember it when we are in the thick of the difficult times. Education is one of the MOST important things you can do as the adoptive parent. And this conference is well worth the time and energy it takes.

I sooooo wish I had the time and energy to keep the blog updated more. But for some reason, I am one busy mom. =) Until next time.

Ebbs and Flows

2011-09-02T15:36:00.000-07:00

I've been reminded lately that there are ebbs and flows of life. Sometimes are good and others, well...not so good. And why is it that when life is all peaches and cream, we just aren't as quick to be on our knees before the Father seeking all of our strength from Him each day? Maybe that is why God brings us those difficult times, to remind us to be ever so close to Him and cling to the truths in His word.

I have desired to not paint an unrealistic picture of adoption but at the same time, not let this blog be a place to unload all my discouraged feelings. Ah...BALANCE. Where we should be. Somewhere in the middle, not swinging from extreme to extreme.

We have been focusing on one verse each week and writing it on our chalk board and memorizing it as a family. Hiding God's word in our hearts. Being purposeful in what we talk about at the table and encouraging our kids to live in a way that is against the grain.

I have also been praying a LOT about what to share when I lead a breakout session at Created for Care retreat in Jan. Spending a lot of time really seeking God's heart and pouring over the scriptures to know what He longs for us to know.

I kind of think these few steps toward a deeper walk with God has put our family back in the line of battle. Satan and his workers are working hard at discouragement and finding our weaknesses and bringing some hard times to our family (ah...hem...the Ebbs and Flows).

And in the struggles...I have had to live what I share with others. I have had to cling to the truths of God's word when all else seems loss. I have had to pray back through the names of God and remind myself all that I know about who God is and how He works. I have had to choose joy and count my blessings. I have had to be patient when the flesh inside of me wanted to lash out in frustration. I have had to rely on God for every ounce of strength when I felt entirely too weak.

As I have said many times before...it's hard, but not impossible. Because with God...ALL things are possible.

So far, so good

2011-08-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

We officially started school on Monday. And when I mean we started, I mean we stopped going to the pool and library every day and instead ventured up to the school room to do some book learning.

Tally had here orientation for NS yesterday and I think it will be a good place for her. Now how I will juggle the rest for the whole week, well...let's just wait and see.

One of the differences of last year and this year for school = TATE TALKS ALL THE TIME. Last year he was able to sit quietly and play while I read a history lesson, and well now...not so much. Seriously, this kid talks a LOT. He has much to say and is still processing all of his thoughts and observations orally.

One of the battles we will have for school this year is attitude. Tyce does not really enjoy working on phonics and he doesn't enjoy doing anything that doesn't come easy to him. So, phonics and reading will prove to be a flesh killer for him. He has struggled with having a "happy heart" each time we sit to do reading. =(

We have some of our books on back order so we are making due with what we have. I hope to get into full swing as soon as the rest of the books arrive. But something I have learned with 6+ years of HS under my belt...there is really no point in pushing your kids. They will learn what they learn in due time. God is in control and I need to make sure our day is full of exploring and adventure rather than workbooks.

Schoolin' the kids

2011-07-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

Another school year is upon us and I have been praying and praying for God's wisdom and discernment of what to do for school this year. I have always approached our children's education with the theory: EVALUATE EACH CHILD EVERY YEAR of what will work the best for them. We have spent months praying, talking, checking out different options, visiting schools...more praying.

Tyson is officially kindergarten age (although I did a lot of kindergarten with him last year). We have decided to keep him with me at home. It seems to be the best decision for bonding and connection. It will also give us the freedom to straddle 2 grades at once. We will finish up a few kindergarten things and also try to begin some 1st grade work too.

Tristen will also stay home with me for this school year. We had enrolled her in a 2 day a week tutorial, but decided (at the last moment) that for her health and spirit, it will be best to stay close to the nest for her 6th grade year. She will also get a chance to continue on in her art classes.

Tally is officially starting 7th grade and will attend a 2 day a week tutorial which will also dictate her course work for the 3 days at home. After much investigating, we felt that this was the best option for Tally. She is ready to spread her wings a bit and needs some academic challenges from someone else.

Tate...well...although he is old enough to attend a preschool, he is the mama's boy and does best by my side. He doesn't even attend his SS class on Sunday morning any longer, because mama doesn't stay with him and he likes to be with me. =) Maybe next year when he is 4.

As the big girls inch closer to the high school level, I have had to begin my research of what is needed for graduating. I just attended a seminar today about this very subject and came away both challenged and a bit frightened. Who knows...I just might be schooling at least one kiddo all the way. We will wait to see how God directs our family.

And the BIG tree is finally gone

2011-07-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

Our beautiful big elm tree fell over in May. We woke up one day after a nasty night time storm and saw this amazing sight. I would have never guessed that tree would come down. Almost 100 feet tall and about 100 years old. Gone.

Shockingly, it did not hit any one's home. It did a bit of damage to the neighbor's fence and took over their back yard. All I could imagine was how much this was going to cost us. $$$$ I felt totally overwhelmed and couldn't imagine how to start to take care of it. But...I was reminded of God's faithful word and that He bares my burdens and His yoke is easy.

We put out word to a few friends and neighbors and we were once again, blessed with help (you see, this happened 2 years ago too). We worked all morning long from the smallest to the tallest, and got about half the tree completed.

It was so sweet to see the kids work together as teams to get all the little stuff picked up.

Our life group came and helped us out. We meet with some friends from church who are all adoptive families. Love these people.

Look at that crew. So many people to help. Amazingly blessed by their hard work.

We had several tractors and a 4 wheeler running the branches out to the curb. And several chain saws running. And this was only ONE Saturday, we also had another crew come and volunteer the next Saturday. Another neighbor and her crew from church came and helped. They brought the BIG guns though...big chain saws and a bobcat.

Today, we hired a tree guy to cut the stump off to the ground and level it. So far, that's all we had to pay for. The rest was from some fantastic volunteers. And, now with the big tree gone, the yard just doesn't look the same. Kind of naked feeling. So, we have planted a bunch more trees to take its place.

What a little soccer star

2011-07-29T11:54:00.001-07:00

Last fall we signed Tyson up for soccer and got our first experience as a family cheering on one of our own in a team sport. It turned out to be pretty fun. Well....how could it not be fun once you discover your kid rocks it on the field. Man !!! This one has some talent.

He also played in the spring season and we found a great coach who can really lead him. What a great outlet for ALL that energy (yes...he has a ton of energy).

In November when the season was over, we had a pretty big let down as a result. But we saw some improvements in the spring season and it didn't effect Tyson as much when it was over.We turned into THAT family that cheers wildly for each and every goal. For the season of 8 games, Tyson got 56 goals (yes you read that right). ***insert proud mom smile*** And when I say we cheer, I really mean we ring cow bells and whoop and holler.

Tate is signed up for the 3 year old league that starts in the fall. And since it is getting embarrassing for Adu to be in the 4/5 yo group, we are moving him up to the next group. It should be another fun season.To be honest, we are really proud of how well Tyson does on the field, but honestly, its more than just the goals. He is fun to watch, he loves the sport, he is enthusiastic, outgoing, includes others, cheers on his teammates, is a leader, has learned to listen and follow instruction from the coach, has a great heart and care if someone gets hurt, and always says "good game".
Here is Tyson waiting for his coach to give him the "go ahead". He is held back behind the line when he is playing to let the other kids have a chance with the ball. Then once he gets the freedom, he shoots out onto the field and dominates. See that determination in his eyes?

Side note story: My neighbor was signing up her kids for the fall soccer season and she overheard some parents talking about a kid that was REALLY good and they wanted to be on the same team. Somehow she found out that they were talking about our boy. Now...that just makes me grin.

Summer is flying by

2011-07-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

Wow...for our official down time for summer, it is just flying by. I feel like we are trying to cram a years worth of work into 2 months. Since we school the kids here at home, I feel like summer is my only "days off" and I try to take advantage of it. I have spent many hours working on sorting and cleaning and organizing...not to mention, painting, building, reading, catching up with extra school work...and of course swimming, VBSing, camp for the big kids, nursing a sick dog back to health. We haven't even been able to get away on a vacation yet, but hope to squeeze in a few days before September.

I have been really challenged to purge the un-needed away from my life and get rid of things that are cluttering up my home and my brain. I have hauled van load after van load to the Goodwill and the trash. I spent about 2 days shredding old bills and paper documents that were not needed anymore and fill 8 hefty trash bags full of paper.

In between the work around here, I have been reading a few books that have had an impact on my life. You might be familiar with these 2 books.

Both have been very challenging and cause a lot of soul searching for me. Not to mention, I am finishing up reading through the Bible since about the middle of January (if you haven't read it through in one year, it is worth it). I am keeping a journal of things I am grateful for (all those gifts and blessings God gives every day) and I am also keeping a journal of truths about God. Things from the scriptures that I can cling to when my emotions might not be leading me to the truth. God is pruning. And I am grateful.

We have also been praying for months for God to really lead our family toward what He desires us to do. Making sure we are right in the midst of His will. There have been a lot of private discussions with Chuck and I about following God's lead and walking where He wants us to go. It has been hard, but good for us. God often allows us to grow the most when He brings us through difficult times.

Gotta run...more update to follow.

Tate is 3 !!!

2011-07-12T14:25:00.000-07:00

He is full of smiles. And turning into a happy little boy. Not much more of a baby, but growing up so quickly. Tate is one who brings joy to our family.

We had a nice little party with 3 of his friends and our family. He did so well and had NO shut down moments or difficulties, he even ate some food with his friends. Our sweet boy has come SO far. Love him to pieces.

easter (I know it was like 3 months ago)

2011-06-20T12:37:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened here in our home in the last few months and as I said before, we are just getting around to catching our breath. So...with out further hesitation...EASTER 2011.

So...with that had been going on around here...I just hadn't gotten around to making sure we had Easter baskets and outfit to wear to church. So the night before Easter at about 9:30pm, I found myself at the local Target with all of the other desperate moms trying to pull it all together. I ended up finding something new for everyone to wear on Sunday morning (Tristen had reminded me that the girls wore the same outfits 2 years in a row).

New clothes around here are a big treat. We get a lot of hand me downs and something new with the tag from the store (not goodwill) is special. We are thankful for all those families that pass on their clothes to us.

Easter is the first holiday that the boys remember celebrating here in America. I remember trying to explain that we put plastic eggs in the yard and they have to hunt for them. Actually, once you explain most of the holidays, they sound really odd. I have a feeling Easter will always be a very special holiday for our family.

Easter was the ending of LENT. We spent the season of Lent sacrificing something very small as a reminder of all the Christ gave for us. We gave up meat as a family (harder than I thought it would be) and I also gave up facebook (actually pretty easy to give up).

trying to get back to blogging

2011-06-20T07:06:00.000-07:00

I am trying to get back into the swing of blogging. I have been a very bad blogger lately and with all the kook that has happened to our family blog (peterspeapod), I have been discouraged and not very motivated. But as my kids are growing and this is one of the only ways I have of documenting mile stones and activities and such...I feel like I need to try it again.

So...I will most likely transition my family blog over here since this blog has less problems. I will also be blogging about more than just adoption on this blog since our life is not so ALL adoption consuming. So if I blog about homeschooling or organizing or gardening on this "adoption blog", don't be shocked. =)

We have had a BUSY BUSY BUSY few months around here and even with summer it just hasn't slowed down. We only have about 2 months of summer vacation here so I need to pack as much as I can into our down time.

To keep you up to date...we got a dog a few months ago and our Cooper has been a lot of fun for our family. He is a sweet thing and has recently gotten quite sick. He can hardly eat or drink and seems to be on his last little legs. Poor thing. After a hefty vet bill we brought him home on Saturday and were hopeful that he could bounce back...but...as each day passes he seems to be worse. We are dreading the decisions that will come in the near future. Praying for our furry friend.

Finding Support

2011-06-18T05:51:00.000-07:00

I have share many times how important it is to find a group of people to do life with, to support each other, to strengthen one another. A cord of three strands in not easily broken.

We have reached out to other adoptive families to offer and receive support and encouragement. These are families that understand the highs and lows. The struggles and the joys. I try gather this group together every month or so to fellowship and foster connections.

Our group is full of families that have children from all over the world. Ethiopia, Nepal, Korea, Haiti, Domestic, Russia...all precious in His sight.
We had a great time at a friend's family farm for a hay ride and egg hunt for Easter. The kids LOVED coloring the eggs. A highlight for them.

Precious families...all who have grown their family through adoption.

We are blessed with some amazing kids

2011-06-17T05:48:00.000-07:00

God's mercy and grace has been showered upon us and we are blessed with amazing children. When I step back and view from a distance, it is evident of what sweet kiddos God has asked us to parent. Our lives are filled with lots of activities and school work and studying God's word together...and we just don't have lots of time to update the blog. But I did want to touch in and say we are still here and doing really well.

The girls are finishing up a great week at summer camp. Tally has done a mission week serving at a local ministry. Tristen and Tyson had a great week at VBS. Tate...well...he is by my side most of the day, but he has gone to his SS class by himself a few times. Tyson lost a tooth just yesterday and he is working on learning to read. We are working on finishing the basement and I am trying to clean and organize this week while I just have 2 kids at home with me. Our beautiful old Elm tree recently fell in a storm and we spent a few weeks cleaning it up. I stained the deck and have painted a few more rooms in the house. Chuck has been busy with a video shoot and seeking God's will for our family. All that to say...I am One Blessed Mama.

It MUST be going WELL...

2011-05-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

...if I've stopped counting the months. That's right...as each month passed, I was tuned into when we would come upon the 21st which is the date we got the boys. I felt like as each month passed, we were one month farther away from the "newness" of our family. And some how, I've stopped counting what month we are in. How long we have been home with the boys.

It truly...honestly...has gotten better...easier...has become more natural. It does just take some time to work out the dynamics, learn the personalities, adjust and blend. We have approached everything with such intention and God has rained down upon our family grace and mercy that has been needed to survive.

We are rounding the bend on 15 months home. It almost doesn't seem possible. There are days that have flown by and others that, well, to put it nicely have been slow and difficult. In the blink of an eye, we have watched our kids change and grow and mature. Both boys have grown so much. They look so much older and are losing the "little" boy look. The boys are growing so tall. Each one has grown about 6 inches in height and we have outgrown clothes that they barely wore.

I am amazed at who God is allowing our kids to become. Not just the boys, but the girls too have are such neat kids and it is a JOY to be with them each and every day. I see God drawing the kids to His own heart and placing a tenderness on each of them. Something we pray for each and every day. I praise God for His faithfulness. For His goodness. For His loving kindness. We are blessed. And He is GOOD.

photo shoot

2011-04-04T16:30:00.001-07:00

Here is a sneak peak of our family photo shoot we had the other day. Our dear friend Stacee blessed us with taking some pictures of our family. We have been trying to get this set up for months now...and finally we were able to carve out time to find some coordinating clothes spend an afternoon together.

I am kind of glad it didn't happen any earlier, not sure Tate would have been as easy to work with. He even smiled for some pictures.

Check out her blog to see a few pictures.

http://stacee-strickland.blogspot.com/2011/04/peters-family.html

a HEART for the NATIONS

2011-03-19T05:50:00.000-07:00

I have always prayed that I would have a world view that follows God. And honestly, that was just ONE of the many reasons we pursued an international adoption. God loves His people...His children...His nations. We have been burdened and praying for JAPAN after the events of last weeks earthquake.

Please continue to pray for the people of JAPAN that their hearts will turn toward God during this season of stress and turmoil. My sister and her family are missionaries in JAPAN, and as difficult as it's been there recently, they are blessed knowing that so many people are praying for the people there. The people NEED Jesus.

Please watch and share.

Prayers needed

2011-03-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

As most of the Ethiopian adoption community already knows, there are some major changes taking place for the future Ethiopian adoptions. I'm sure many of you have already signed this ePetition, but this is a plea for those who are not part of the adoptive community, we need your prayers and signature too.

Today is the first day of Lent, and we as a family take our season of preparation seriously. We spend focused time on God and His word and seek Him to prepare our hearts for both Christmas and Resurrection Sunday. I will be spending time praying for the Ethiopian children, adoptive families in the pipe lines, orphanage workers, and government officials. A common part of Lent is to think about those "less fortunate". And all I can think about are those families and children who are so poverty stricken in Ethiopia.

Our boys knew that deep poverty well. They knew a hunger that no one should know. They knew a loneliness and hurt and rejection that ONLY CHRIST can heal. As grateful as I am that our boys are home, my heart is grieving the situation in the Ethiopian adoption process. Heavy hearted today, I ask you to join me in prayer. Please click on the link and sign the petition. Please seek God on behalf of the children this new policy will effect.

http://www.gopetition.com/petition/43714.html

meeting up with friends

2011-03-08T14:18:00.000-08:00

Last summer we had the chance to meet a LOT of AGCI families at the family picnic. It was such a blessing to meet these blessed families face to face. My Tissy found a friend that day and it has blossomed into a pen pal/long distance friend. And from that I have had the chance to meet up with Andrea B a few times and let me just say, what a precious heart she has for God and His children. I am inspired by her love for the Lord and every time we chat or see each other, I am amazed by her deep relationship with God.

Last Friday, we met at our local airport for another WELCOME home party for another adoptive family. These parties NEVER get old. We were welcoming home Sara and her sweet tiny baby boy. After we ohhed and ahhed over the tiny new born cry, we headed off to have dinner, just us girls. It was such a fun time and we really don't get the chance to visit with friends like this OR go out to eat.

An unexpected blessing of our adoption has been the wonderful friendships we have made with SO many AMAZING families. I absolutely love emailing, or texting or calling back and forth with these precious friends. I just wish they all lived close by so we could visit more often.

We have also had the chance to become good friends with another adoptive family that lives here in our town. Our kids have a great time together and this dear family is waiting on a little girl from Ethiopia.Sad to say, these are all pics from my cell phone. I just am so lazy with down loading my photos. I need to work on that. Sounds like another goal for myself. =)

Blessed...blessed to know these families.

LOVE brings us HOME

2011-03-08T14:06:00.001-08:00

Finally finished my wall phrase. Actually, Chuck finished it. I have been hunting for something to paint on the wall in our entry way and I found this phrase on a picture frame and stenciled it on the wall and then painted it. The delivery isn't perfect, but I really like it.

12 MONTHS home !!!!!

2011-03-07T15:08:00.000-08:00

So can you believe we have been home for 12 MONTHS??? That is officially ONE YEAR with our boys here. Woo HOO!!! We had big plans for a BIG celebration and then...we ALL got the FLU. Each and everyone of us had the fever, the cough, the aches, the pain, the stuffy nose, the whole thing. It was 10+ days of all of us being sick and down on the couch. So we totally missed our exciting GOTCHA DAY celebration.

But I still want to document how far we have come in our family. I really anticipated our anniversary month of coming home to more difficult than it has been. Anniversary triggers are really common and it was also the first time I was away from the boys for an extended period of time (2 big sleeps). I was able to go to the Created For Care retreat in Atlanta and spend some time filling up my cup so I could then go and pour back into my family.

We have seen such GREAT strides in the boys in the past few months. Both boys are really continuing to do really well with their adjustment. Changes in routine are not as difficult as they once were. We are not having as many difficulties with rejection or control. We are seeing both boys use more and more appropriate skills to handle the struggles that they seem to have. All of the hard work of cocooning and limiting their environment has been well worth it.

I believe that having a simple routine and not too stimulating environment gives a GREAT place for a foundation for healing to begin. Kids who come from traumatic situations need the opportunity to "let down" and know that they are safe. If you decide to just graft your kids into a "typical American family" continuing with lots of activities, you MAY postpone some healing. Please understand I share not because I think we have all the right ways to do things (because we have made MANY mistakes along the way) or to judge how you may adjust as a family. I just want to encourage families to really think about their transition plan. I have read and listened to Dr. Purvis and have really gleaned great advice from her. Here is great resource to listen to if you are interested in finding out more about Dr. Purvis.

http://empoweredtoconnect.org/children-from-hard-places-what-everyone-needs-to-know/

So...back to my update. We are doing well. It is feeling more and more normal. We still live a simple life and that works for us. TF goes to his Mom's Morning Out program 2 mornings a week. I have cut him back to just 3 hours each time. We are praying about what will be the best situation for school next year. Exploring our options and praying that God would really lead and guide us.

Tyson shares more and more about his life in Ethiopia. We try and record it all down so we can share it with him some day if he forgets. God has given him a great gift in his memory. He still really misses his birth family and bed time (when he is alone sleeping) continues to be a struggle. We are working really hard at making it easy for him, but also trying to not let his struggles dominate our evening routine. It is a balancing act.

Tate continues to shut down when he feels insecure of unsure of others. He doesn't like to interact with many people but lights up for us at home. Interactions with others MUST be on his terms. He seems to hold onto his fears and relives traumatic moments (like a neighbor's dog running up to him). He can still pitch a fit when he wants his way and has done this a few times out in public (yes...it is embarrassing when your toddler will NOT sit in the shopping cart). We are seeing more joy in his personality and he has brought so much cheer to our family.

I am still trying to learn how to juggle 4 kids. I am doing better, but there are days I feel like it is a LOT of work. I am working hard at carving out time for Chuck and I each evening but I have not done a great job of making time for myself.

We are still getting our schooling done each week, though I feel like it's not as much as I'd like. Trying to really seek God for our next school year and desiring to make some changes. Tate still doesn't go to his class at church but Tyson does most weeks. He seems older than most of the kids there and has struggled with finding friends. We are praying for friend connections with all of our kids. The general dynamics of our family (both due to adoption and homeschooling)has made it more challenging here in our current state.

In the next few months my goals are:

get both boys down to bed in less time (still sitting with them until they sleep)
make a good decision for school for 3 of the kids
take Tate to the story time at the library 2 times a month
enjoy the next soccer season for Tyce
leave all the kids with a sitter so Chuck and I can go out to dinner
take some more family photos
work on our families adoption story via video
pray more with each child each day
parent my kids more in the spirit
improve eye contact with the boys
laugh more together
Blog more =)

Until next time.

Post Placement Photos

2011-03-07T14:36:00.001-08:00

As per the requirements for the post placement reports that are required by the Ethiopian adoption system, we must send in about 10 pictures of each of the boys. There are different requirements, like a close up of their face, a full body shot, a picture of the whole family together. And as easy as this sounds, it is a bit more difficult for some kids than for others.

I was digging through some old files on my computer of pictures of the kids and realized, I have TONS of pictures of Tate, but very few of them are very good. Each time I have to send my pictures in for our post placement report, I feel like I am scrambling for some good pictures.

You see, Tate is the KING of picture sabotage. He completely shuts down for most pictures. I have spent months trying to figure it out...why are pictures so hard for him. Well...all I can figure is that one of the first times he had his photo taken was for his relinquishment paperwork. And honestly, that must have been such a difficult and terrifying time for him.

So...I try to capture him when I can, but I wanted to include these pictures on the blog here to show how far we have come. He still shuts down a lot for pictures, but we have gotten a few smiles out of him.
I think these were for the boy's 6 month post placement report. We are long gone past that one, in fact, we have now made it past the ONE YEAR mark and had our first GOTCHA Day (even if we were all sick, we still celebrated in our hearts).

It's been 11 months

2011-01-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to post a quick update. It seems like my time on the computer is almost down to nothing. I am one busy mama. With schooling the kids, running the home, doing chores, ALWAYS having my kids with me, organizing an adoption support group, teaching a class...my list goes on...I just don't have a lot of time to update my blog.

And to be honest, blogging has become a way to journal our family as we continue to adjust. And hopefully it can provide some hope and encouragement to other adoptive families. I spent much more time combing over blogs and reading before we brought our boys home. It was a great way to prepare and maybe it is that for you.

So...back to the update.

Can I just say...11 months. WOW. I can hardly believe we are nearing upon our one year anniversary of our gotcha day. So much has changed. Not only for us...but for the boys too. We have come so far from those first few days and weeks and months home. I almost wish I could go back and revisit a day at the beginning to remember how much has changed.

Language - the boys' English language is fantastic. New words every day. Longer sentences. Less made up words for Tate and more understanding of what he is saying. Tyce still has a strong accent (which we all love).

Sleeping - We currently have Tate in a crib (now all the way across the room from me). He is held until he falls asleep at nap time and is able to fall asleep on his own at bed time. I still stay in the room until he falls asleep. I am still co-sleeping (in the same room). Tyce is in his own room. He is able to play quietly for nap time and our bed time routine is much smoother now. He still shows fears of night time and being afraid of the dark. Chuck is doing most of his tuck in time at night (while I work with Tate). He isn't acting out as much at night time and seems to be able to calm himself down a little more. There is often a mat on the floor of the room I share with Tate and Tyce can use it anytime he wants.

Coping skills vs. family skills - Both boys are using less of their coping skills and have gains some much needed family skills (if you have read Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child you are familiar with those terms). Tyce doesn't seem to be a "performer" anymore and instead tends to "spaz out and then shut down". And to be honest, he has fewer and fewer "shut down" moments. He is able to use some skills to settle down and calm his body when he is feeling "wild" or "spazzy". Tate is having fewer tantrums and is able to express his disappointment in more appropriate ways. Instead of throwing a fit, he might say he is "sad" or "Tay Tay walk away".

Activities - Tyce is still in his Mom's morning out program. He goes 2 mornings a week and seems to like it. I'm trying to evaluate if it is the best thing for "our" relationship. It seems he feels disconnected when he comes home. He tends to act out more on those days or the day after. He is also part of Sunday School and although he likes it, hasn't connected great with the other kids. He doesn't act out at all, but seems to keep to himself and doesn't try to break into a group of kids. We may try him in an older class. Tate is doing much better with groups of people. He still pulls away and doesn't like having others around, but he is able to eat in front of them a little and can play when others are around. He will often retreat to the farthest spot when someone drops by the house (play in the basement or upstairs). Tate went to his SS class for 15 mins without me last week.

Rest of the family - People often ask how the girls are adjusting. And to be totally honest...they are doing VERY well. They both have adjusted to being big sisters. Having little ones around has brought out great skills and traits in both of them. Tissy plays very well with Tyce (he loves his big sisters). Tally has become a little mother to Tate (and the whole clan). I often reminder her that she is the sister, not the mama. It does take time to adjust to any new kids in the home, but we do a lot of debriefing and talking and validating their feelings. Our family dynamics are feeling more and more normal.

Eating - Both boys have accepted our American diet. Tyce does miss injera and likes to remember the foods he ate in Ethiopia. We try to offer familiar foods and make things like lentils. Neither of the boys eat much sugar (they have a hard time settling down after sweets). We don't offer desserts after meals nor do we have sugary snacks. Tate eats most of his food with his hands (although he can use a fork and spoon). He will even eat oatmeal, soup, salad with his hands. Neither of the boys seem to show big signs of food issues (hording, panicking when food is over, finding comfort in food and not mom). We do keep emergency food in the car, bedroom and school backpack for Tyce. If he gets too hungry if he missed snack time, it causes him to cry (something that is hard to see). Both boys would choose apple or banana over chips and crackers.

Family age - both boys are now 11 months old (according to their family age). Both have shown normal signs of stranger anxiety and separation anxiety. Tyce has asked me to stay with him in his SS class, which of course I did. We talk about how mom comes back and he hinted that "mommies don't always come back". Breaks your heart. Tate is still always with Chuck or me and Tyce is only away from us for his MDO or his SS class. We have worked really hard to only expect behavior out of them that is "family age" appropriate.

Nature vs. Nurture - I am seeing more and more behavior and mannerisms that are "nurture" oriented rather than "nature" oriented. I hear "my phrases" coming out of them. It is amazing to see how you truly become like those you spend time with. I also still see both boys doing things in "African" style (carrying things on their heads). Tyce still gravitate toward his little friend who was also adopted (watches out for her, plays more with her...). I think they share a deep common connection that others don't share.

Cocooning - We are homebodies by nature, and because it can be hard for the boys when we do TOO many activities, we do limit how much we do and what we do. Like we skip things like McDonald's play land and loud, wild, out of control places like that. We are involved in a small group and in small bits, we can spend time with those kinds of kids. Chuck and I are still the only ones to do most of the "nurturing" things (washing hands, dressing, getting their food, carrying them...). And neither of the boys hug, sit with, hold hands with other people. Sometimes Tally or Tissy with help with some nurturing things, but we are still persistent to be the only ones to do most of that kind of thing. Connection takes a LONG time and it is a slow process and we are working hard at being purposeful in how we do things here in our family.

I think that is about it for an update. It continues to go smoothly around here. It won't be unusual if we have a little set back around our one year anniversary. Anniversary dates are usually hard times for adopted kids. We keep plugging away and seeing great results in how we have done things.

Better run and get some things done around here...more later.

learning to play - and a little update

2011-01-11T13:50:00.000-08:00

I bet you never thought you would have to teach a child to play. Kind of an odd idea and one that may not be normal in some families, but in a family with a newly adopted child you may find yourself "teaching kids to play". There are a variety of reasons that kids need some coaching in this area. It could be that developmentally they missed some stages in their previous settings, possibly that toys were not available, or what about the idea that kids had "adult" responsibilities put on them and they didn't have the freedom just to BE KIDS.

We have worked hard to provide lots of age appropriate toys and opportunities for the boys to learn to play. Our younger one has learned this a bit more quickly than our older one. Could be his age is just more teachable or maybe it is part of his personality. Tate is learning and exploring on a pretty normal level. He has really gone from exploring on an infant level to a toddler level. It is fun to watch him learn and explore and make up for some lost time.

Tate can entertain himself pretty well and he is learning to play with others. He has some GROWING to do in this area. But he still doesn't participate in the class at church yet and once he goes more often, he should learn some social skills pretty quickly. It seems to be more important to us to keep him with us and bond some more before he goes to class without us.

Tate still seems content observing kids play from a distance and he is slowly exploring and more willing to play with the kids rather than stay by mom's side. Tate has also learned to use pretend play and likes to make noises and uses drama in his play. He (as you can tell from the pictures) is more serious in his personality. He is still cautious with his smile and isn't eager to share it for the camera.

Now...Adu (that's what we call him...short for Fikadu)...he is a different story. Learning to play is a challenge for him. To ask him to go find a toy to play with is almost like punishment. This has been an unexpected challenge. He likes to play with YOU and not on his own. He like to "bug" his siblings or make noise to irritate those around him, but to play with a toy...almost unheard of. He hasn't learned to play pretend or dramatic play. He doesn't like most toys. He has really taken to games (like connect 4) and it helps to have his mind challenged. He doesn't do well if there is unstructured time (like free play time). He thrives off of routine and action and sports and people. He did GREAT at soccer and that was a perfect fit for him. He loved the challenge, the action, the game...the whole thing. We are missing that right now during the winter season.

We have seen improvement over the last months. He is slowly learning to find a puzzle, or play on his scooter or skateboard or go adventuring in the back yard. He does well if we give him a challenge like a scavenger hunt or an idea for an adventure. He is creative and has the mind of an engineer. He loves to create and draw and figure things out. He enjoys writing letters and numbers and creating pictures of our family. But give him some ninja fighting action figures...no thanks.

This was a day he took a boogie board and surfed down the creek that is behind our home. It was so fun to watch him balance and hop on and SLOWLY float down the stream. He had a BLAST. He was playing. And it was an absolute JOY to watch him.

He is LEARNING to PLAY. It takes time. He may not always gravitate toward toys and traditional play time. We have learned to trust God in how he designed our boys. They are created in His image. They are exactly how He wants them to be.

CHANGE of PLANS

2011-01-08T14:04:00.000-08:00

If you already didn't have it on your radar...here is a link to the movie tonight.

http://changeofplansthemovie.com/change-of-plans/

And here is a discussion guide to use if you wish.

http://www.pluggedin.com/~/media/PIO/Images/Movies/2011/M1/ChangeofPlanDiscussionGuide.pdf

I've been processing...

2010-12-14T09:11:00.001-08:00

Adoption is a LOT to process both for the children, the birth family and the adoptive family. It was important for me to spend some time privately processing the different emotions and thoughts that have been running through my mind.

There isn't a day that I don't thank God from the bottom of my heart for bringing ALL of our children into our home and family. I have seen perfectly how God knew that we would be the best ones to raise our children.

I have been almost overwhelmed with emotion and feelings of where our boys came from. The extreme poverty is almost more than I can comprehend. We need to be realistic and accept that our boys "had a life" before they came home to us. A life that they lived, full of memories (both good and bad), family members, friends, traditions, experiences...all that we know very little of.

November was a hard month for us. We experienced a few "firsts" in our home and had a few changes around here that added up to a difficult month. November is also the month that the boys moved to their orphanage/transition home. Adopted children will often remember the "anniversary" of their traumatic events and process some of the feelings that come from their memories. It has all been good...but hard.

We've had really good break throughs and we've been able to get a little deeper and help Tyson work through some of his feelings and thoughts. God has been gracious and given him a tremendous ability to share what he is really feeling. And because of that, we have been able to help him work through a few of his fears and concerns.

Like I said...a LOT has happened in the past few weeks. Thank you to our friends and family that have faithfully prayed for us. We are so grateful and thankful for the continued support. And just think...it was just a year ago that God provided our financial needs to accept the referral of our boys. Feel free to visit those blog posts for some encouragement and to be reminded of God's faithfulness.

only a few months late...Tate's birthday pictures

2010-11-09T14:08:00.001-08:00

It seems like it was yesterday that we celebrated Tate's birthday. But...it was several months ago. And I am just now getting these pictures up. It is almost therapeutic to sit and look at these pictures. To see how much our little ones have grown. They are changing right before my very eyes.
We really did have a good time at his little party. It was a great time with just a few families who also have little ones born in other countries.

Something I have noticed since then...Tate is coming out of his shell around others. Just the other day, some friends mentioned how much their kids are enjoying Tate. He is feeling more comfortable around our friends and family and they are getting to know our little man.

These pictures also remind me...how much I would really like a new camera. My little point and shoot has official died and now I have NO camera to capture life with. These shots were all from a few friends. Man...they take some good shots.

Aside from dripping wet faces...these are some of my favorite pictures we have of Tate. It is best to capture him from afar, rather than ask him to smile for the camera.
Tate tends to be a bit more serious in his personality than Adu. He is such a little lovey one...saying "muah" as he leans in for a kiss. He talks nonstop and is still using his "special" language of his made up jibbery words. He is learning to play really well with toys and I hear him pretending as he plays. Our favorite thing he does these days...prays. It's like he is IN THE SPIRIT. =) Jibbering with a few understandable words (like mama or daddy) and then says "amen".

He has the squishiest skin and the most beautiful curls on his head. I love his big brown eyes and how he sticks out his tongue when he is concentrating on something. It is hard to resist squeezing his rolly belly and pinching his little tushy. Seriously...he is a CUTIE. It will be an absolute honor to watch him grow.

Oh...how we love you Tate...grateful for you in our lives.

somehow tonight was different

2010-11-07T17:51:00.000-08:00

Tonight as I tucked my "Adu" into bed, he hugged my neck so tight and held on for dear life. He always spends awhile rocking in my arms and snuggling in while I pray for him and sing to him as he settles down and starts to fall asleep. But, somehow...tonight was different. He just didn't want to let go. He held on and clung to me. The was a unique closeness that we shared as he rested in my arms.

Did it have anything to do with having a "good day" as a family...or perhaps he was attuned to the reality of orphan Sunday as we shared at church a little of our testimony of how God brought our family together...possibly it was because I had a terrible headache this afternoon and he was being extra tender with me because he knew I didn't feel well. What ever the case...and for what ever reason, he allowed me into a deeper level of the real Tyson Fikadu tonight. He felt a little more safe...a little more secure...and it was like I could almost see him opening the door and welcoming me in a little closer to his heart. A heart that has needed strong protection because he has been hurt and his trust has been broken. But, tonight, another piece of his puzzle was put in place and I'm able to see more of the whole picture. I have been able to watch as God heals and showers His loving kindness on him.

So...just as I have consistently done for the past 8 months, I prayed with him, sang to him, held him for awhile and then gently placed him on his pillow and covered him up with covers. And as I am I always do, I leaned in and kissed his cheek and whispered, "I love you". But, this time was different, he whispered back..."I love you too."

keeping their culture alive

2010-11-06T12:51:00.000-07:00

I am determined to keep the Ethiopian culture alive with our boys. I am always hunting for ways that we can include parts of the culture, history, language, customs, food, music...anything that helps them keep their roots.

Wanted to pass on some ideas that I have come up with that help with this. For starters our boys have lost their native language (actually English is their 3rd language). So I have hunted for some things that will help them learn Amharic. Found this blog/site here that has basic words that we can learn.

Here is a favorite music cd that we found via another adoptive mom. It is one of our favorites. The price fluctuates so watch when it goes down. It is hard to find so it can be a bit pricey.

We have done lots of research on the typical Ethiopian holidays and celebrations. As the Christmas season approaches, here is one way the people celebrate Timket.

We ordered some books from Amhari c Kids. Great books for every Ethiopian adoptive family. Journey to Ethiopia is a good story book that helps kids understand more about Ethiopia as a country and the people who live there (simple pictures but good for kids). Tsion's Life is a fantastic book about what is it like to live in Addis. I wish there was a book like this about the country/rural life in Ethiopia. We also ordered a map and some other books from the Amharic Kids site.

I am still hunting for a site that can teach me about making some traditional Ethiopian clothing. I figured I can make some for the kids. I'd love to have some for when we celebrate the holidays. Until then, I found you can order from this store.

The girls just presented a display at a geography fair all about Ethiopia. I'll post pics soon. It was so neat to read and soak up all the history we could about Ethiopia. It will be easier to share with the boys what we know and have learned as we have come to really appreciate the culture, customs and history.

It's been 8 months...

2010-10-28T18:01:00.000-07:00

Seriously...can't believe it. It has been 8 months already. Some days have flown by and others have crept slowly. I love to do these posts so I can see how far we have come. It is hard to really notice how much has changed when you are in the thick of it, but stepping back, you get a better picture.

We have really seen some great improvements. Our whole family is doing really well and it continues to be a blessing. I had our follow up call with our agency the other day and was really encouraged. I was able to share some of the breakthroughs that we have had recently and our case worker shared that she thought we were doing many things right and could really take comfort and encouragement for seeing such great results for cocooning and being so intentional.

I have gone out for an evening or 2 and had Chuck put the boys down by himself. I am working at being able to be gone for a weekend in Feb., so I need to work on allowing Chuck to take more responsibility for the kiddos.

We can do more than one activity a day. Like the park and church. We still don't take the boys out to shopping much or very stimulating activities.

Tate seems to be more comfortable around crowds of people. Like our adoption gatherings, or church. He is also starting to eat with others around and not be on such a food strike.

Tyce continues to show improvement with being around other kids. He still has a hard time playing with others when we are around others. It isn't that he acts naughty, it almost seems like he struggles with social skills. He seeks out individual toys rather than group play.

Tyce still doesn't like toys much. BUT...he loves to draw and color. He is very creative and creates a picture almost every day that represents our family.

Tyce is learning to read. We are almost 2/3 of the way done with the 100 lessons book. He is catching on quickly but continues to struggle with some accent issues.

Tate is doing better with his language. He is finally using more new words every day. He still uses his made up jibber language and haven't seen that stop.

We've had some really good breakthroughs with Tyce. We have been able to identify some key triggers to pain and hurt for him and are helping him process through those feelings.

Tate doesn't tantrum much anymore. Instead he finds a spot to sit and be sad, but when he is over it, he comes out and can bounce back quickly.

Tate is still struggling with "playing nice". He can sure act like a stinker sometimes.

The boys are learning to "check in" when they are out playing. They come over and "check in" with me and show me some good eye contact.

We have been working really hard with eye contact with mom and boys. Tate's is continuing to lengthen and show good genuine connection. Tyce still has a hard time when he is being corrected to show eye contact.

We now have a dial with "red, yellow and green" spots to show if Tyce is struggling a little, or shutting down, or ready to listen and obey. He is learning he has some control in the situation.

Tyce's preschool teacher says he is still doing well and listening and obeying. I notice he doesn't take his eyes off the teacher and watches her intently. Could be a sign of being on high alert.

We've learned how important it is to identify with the boys pain and watch their behavior to adjust to make things easier for them to succeed.

Soccer season is over, Tyce did an amazing job (another post) and scored a total of 53 goals in 8 games.

When the boys offer to pray, Tyce has now moved to including variety in his prayers (rather than just "thank you Jesus...food...family...thank you Jesus, amen". And Tate has started to prayer jibberish and he always wants to sing after we pray.

Tyce called out for me one night recently because he had a bloody nose. That was his first time to call for me after I had tucked him into bed. It was a GREAT thing.

Still haven't recieved those birth certificates in the mail...ugh...guess I need to follow up on it.

I've been hunting for a picture of a mud hut that resembles the home that the boys lived in. I think I found something close. Below is the closest I have come up with.

I will hope to post again soon. Busy busy around here.

connecting with friends

2010-10-14T07:55:00.000-07:00

This summer we were able to meet a lot of AGCI families while we gathered for the regional picnic here in our area. Even though we have a big adoption group here it was such a treat to meet some online friends face to face.

And I did what your mother would tell you NOT to do...I invited virtual strangers to our home for an overnight visit. =) It's hard to call the Pratt family strangers. We had emailed back and forth, talked on the phone, spent time getting to know each other via blogs and facebook. This was one of the families that got to spend time with our boys before we even traveled to bring them home. Actually they both "fell in love with our boys" and didn't even know they were siblings. They gave us pictures and filled us in on their visit with them way back last winter.

So...it truly was a treat to meet them in person. They drove over 10 hours to come and spend time here for the AGCI picnic. They brought their little Mekele home a few months before we did. And he is a cutie. Tyce sure took to being the "big brother" of the little guys that weekend. Now Tate...well...he wasn't so sure about having another baby around. He spent the weekend on a food strike and talked in a funny gruff voice the whole time they were here.

It will be fun to watch how God grows their family as they hope and plan to adopt again soon. We will be praying for them and supporting them as they continue to follow where God leads. Just have to say...there is just something SOOOOO special about connecting with other adoptive families. They feel like extended family to us.

one of the reasons I DON'T cut their hair

2010-10-13T13:17:00.000-07:00

Aside from being cute...I mean REALLY...those curls are just adorable. One of the main reasons I don't cut their hair is...it is traumatic. The boys were old enough that they remember when they were brought to the orphanage and had their hair cut (actually, shaved). Almost all of the kids get their head shaved when they enter the orphan system. Ring worm is very common and it is easy to detect if it is on their scalp when their hair is shaved.

I have trimmed Tate's hair 2 times but the last time I got out the scissors to give it a little trim, he was so emotionally upset, I just put the comb and scissors away. Here are some pics of their first hair cuts here at home.

You can tell how upset he is. He cried the whole time. And it just isn't worth it right now, so we will grow the hair nice and BIG.

Now...it is really cute when it is cut a little shorter. Oh...such big eyes our little one has. Couldn't you just eat him up???

Actually Tyce doesn't want his hair cut either. He likes big hair. He has tighter curls and it is really easy and fun to style his hair in twists. I have only cut his hair once and I regretted it as soon as I did it. One of the only hard parts of long hair is how much hair product it takes to keep it moisturized.
I might encourage any adoptive mamas out there to consider that the hair cut might trigger a negative memory for your little ones. I'm not advocating you grow it long, but consider clippers could cause some trauma. A little lolly pop and lots of hugs from mom might help soothe in the situation.

discoveries

2010-10-13T09:29:00.000-07:00

When we first came home, our boys were fascinated by the heat or air that would come out of the floor vents. In fact, that was just one of the MANY discoveries they were enthralled with. The ice that came out of the refrigerator. The buttons on the remote. The garage door that opened with a button. The loud sound of the vacuum or blender. Even the idea of putting the dishes in the dish washer and having them come out clean was interesting.

The boys had to touch and discover all of their new world for them selves. They had to investigate every button on the cell phone. And when I say EVERY button, I really mean EVERY button. They had to see what would happen if they flipped every light switch. This was all part of exploring and learning. It only became a problem when they found the switch to the air conditioner and switched it off (we had NO clue they had done this until we paid for a repair man to come and fix it...$140 later). Or when "someone" found the knob for the hot water heater and all of our showers were cold (we wised up and investigated before we called a repair man). Or how about when the little one found the bug spray...yep...we have had to baby proof the house.

Here is Tate discovering the cool air coming out of the floor vent. A perfect spot to sit on a hot summer day.

Dedication to the LORD

2010-10-13T07:17:00.000-07:00

We had our parent child dedication on Sunday. It was an opportunity for our family to stand before our church family and share that we desire to raise our boys in a home that glorifies God. We met with our pastor earlier in the week and were able to share more about our adoption story and how God led us to our sweet peas. It was also a good reminder that these sweet children that God has allowed us to parent, really belong to Him. All of our kids are God's and we just get the blessing of being the earthy mom and dad.

As part of the dedication, they share the boys' names and meanings and pick a verse that is appropriate.

Tyson - means one who is fiery or high-spirit...um...perfect name for our explosive little guy. The director at the orphanage said he was a monsoon.

Fikadu - the name his birth mom gave him - means God's will.

We are praying that it is God's desire and will for his life that Tyson will be an explosion for the Kingdom of heaven.

Tatum - means joyful or one who brings cheer...again...perfect. Having Tate as part of our family brings much joy and blessings.

Abush - the name his birth mom gave him - means baby boy. A common name you give babies when they are first born in Ethiopia.

We are so grateful for this baby boy that God has brought into our life. He truly has brought more joy into our home.

Thank you LORD for bringing our boys into our lives and blessing us with these precious children.

Moving from Coping Skills to Family Skills

2010-10-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

I have been reading a fantastic book that has helped put some of our boy's behaviors into perspective. If you are adopting or have adopted, make sure and check out Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child. I am learning more about why the kids respond to different situations. Learning about their coping skills (AKA survival skills).

You see...we have one child who "shuts down" when he is maxed out and another who "revs up and acts out". If you look through our pictures, it is pretty easy to see which one of our boys "shuts down". Our little guy. He doesn't like to have his picture taken. He doesn't like to eat when others are around. He can very easily be the one who looks shy or like he is pouting.

Here are some pictures from his birthday. I took the kids for ice cream. And...he was "out of sorts".
Now this was a few months ago and he has come a LONG way since then. But it is good to show how he can respond when he is having an overwhelming moment or feeling stressed.
Now our older one...he likes to act wild and get spazzy and then it is hard for him to settle down and listen and follow the instructions.
Here we are...trying to celebrate Tate's birthday with some ice cream out, and he shuts down and has a tantrum at the Sonic drive in (and no, I did not take that picture). When we first came home, we got a "baptism by fire" if you will on tantrums. Whoa...those were some powerful tantrums from our little guy. But, here we are, almost 8 months home and we haven't seen a tantrum in a while. The boys have learned to use more appropriate ways to express their disappointment or grief. Instead of tantrums, Tate will often curl up on the ground and put his head down. Then we take a moment to talk and use our words to share what he is feeling. We are working hard at moving from coping skills/survival skills to "family skills".

Everything I do with our boys in intentional. I am working hard at parenting them the best I can to build them up for success. It is really neat to see them doing better and better at stressful situations. They are using those learned skills (family skills) to handle the hard times. As their communication skills grow and their language improves, it helps the situation so much.

Now, there are times that they quickly revert back to survival skills (acting out or shutting down). Any kind of change of routine or any simple change, can bring them back to their familiar coping skills. So, we are still a bit of a "messy" family, but we are heading in the right direction.

before the judge

2010-09-20T11:48:00.000-07:00

We stood before a judge today and promised to raise our boys just as if we had birthed them ourselves. This is the last final hoop for our adoption and it was sweet moment for our family. Special to have all of us dress up in "nice" clothes and it was too cute to have the boys wear ties for the first time (there is just something too cute about a little guy in a tie). It was special to have the girls be there for this part of the adoption process.

The judge shared what a special thing it is to have adoption hearings, but he also shared that this is a legal and binding agreement. Our boys are joint heirs with the girls. They will not be our "adopted sons" but they are our SONS. He asked if we believed if it was in the best interest of the boys to be part of our family. He asked if we were financially and emotionally able to care for them. And then he asked the girls if our world has changed since the boys came home (um...yeah...our world has changed and it has been a blessing).

We are blessed. We are grateful. We are a family of 6.

Our family with our attorney George. What a blessing for him to "help us out" (read...HERE).

Even Papa was able to be there to be part of our celebration.

Like I said...something too cute about little boys in a tie.

TYSON FIKADU

TATUM ABUSH

We love our sweet peas...

positive reinforcement AKA...rewards for good behavior

2010-09-15T12:19:00.000-07:00

I once thought that you could parent your newly adoptive children exactly the same as your bio children who, in our case, have lived with us for 10+ years. I have come to realize, due to the unknown circumstances and traumatic background, it is important to dip into the creative parenting idea bucket and come up with some new ideas to encourage positive behavior.

I share these kinds of posts to encourage and inspire others out there who are trying to come up with some creative ideas on how to encourage children to "do the right thing". So...I came up with the ice cream chart.

Each time I "catch" our 4 year old doing the RIGHT THING, we put a scoop on the ice cream cone. If he can make it to the top of the chart in ONE DAY (pretty challenging) then we celebrate with some kind of a treat. A goody from the dollar store, a movie with the family (at home), out for ice cream cones...that kind of reward.

I will be honest, we haven't done this reward chart for a few weeks, but at the time we started it, we really needed it. And lately, we have seen such great progress with good behavior and good choices, it isn't needed as much.

Our ice cream scoops say: good listening, right choice, obey and happy heart. All areas we needed some improvement on. There were some days that he had lots and lots of scoops on the chart, and other days...well...not so much. And to be realistic, that is normal. Some days are better than others. But now that we are 6 (almost 7) months into being home, those bad days are farther apart than they used to be.

So...that was how we did the chart...now let me share about our first time out for ice cream. TOO CUTE.

It was the first time Tyce earned his reward and the whole family plied (Tally was at karate) into the car to celebrate a job well done. We sat down at the table with our ice cream and Tyson grabbed the pepper shaker and dumped it on his ice cream. We all said NO, yuck. He had no idea you don't put pepper on ice cream, this was all so new to him (we don't keep the salt and pepper on the table at home).

There are so many moments like this where the boys are learning American culture and how things are done. It is a precious time in our family as we continue to gel together. So many moments of JOY.
And...just for the record...we don't normally go out looking all fuzzed out. But, when you have earned a reward, you throw caution to the wind. =)

Can you believe these 2 sweet peas have been with us for 6 months??

2010-08-22T14:05:00.001-07:00

I know, I know...I am breaking the cardinal rule of blogging (post a pic of your little ones in the tub). But seriously, does it get any cuter than this? Melt my heart. It is so hard to get a picture where Tate is looking at the camera and these photos represent such a happy moment for the boys. I filled the big tub and let them both play in the water one night. Water was everywhere but so were the giggles. These two boys have such a precious bond and I want them to someday know what a deep connection they have to each other.

These 2 sweet peas have brought such JOY into our lives in the last 6 months. Each day, we laugh together over such adorable moments. I can hardly believe 6 months have already passed. For the days seem long, but when you lump them all together it really has gone by quickly. And being home 6 months is HUGE to the adoptive family. A mile stone of sorts. We are halfway done with our first year. Everyone says the first year is just full of adjustments. And we have adjusted really very well.

It takes us longer to get ready to go places.

We fill out the van and don't have room for extra riders.

Tally and Tissy have become experts in buckling the car seat.

Tyce will now respond with "yes ma'am" if you ask him something (remember, we live in the south where that is appropriate).

Tate is sleeping in his own crib (still co-sleeping with mom in the same room).

Tate is almost dry every night and is fully potty trained in the day (even naps).

Tate can play independently with toys, books, balls.

Tate continues with his own made up language for some words. (bobo - paper or coloring, day - music, yaya - hands for washing or holding his hand, bidah - sit down...)

Tyce has started his MDO program and had a great first day.

Tyce doesn't like when other kids don't follow the rules or do what's right.

Tyce is doing better with structure and close supervision when we are at stimulating events though we still are opting to stay home and not bring the boys to many things.

Tate still doesn't go to the nursery at church and we haven't left the boys with anyone as a sitter.

Tyce is starting the blend in with his behavior and appear to be more acclimated.

Tate still will shut down for meals or eating when we are around others and go on a food strike.

When we are outside of our routine, it continues to be a challenge.

Tyce still doesn't enjoy toys. He continues to struggle with finding things to do and ways to play when he has free time.

The tantrums continue to be less frequent. Though, both boys do not like when their behavior is curbed by either Chuck or I.

When my attention is diverted from the boys (like visiting with someone), Tate can last about 30 - 45 min until he starts demanding my attention with his behavior.

I am able to come up with quick meals for dinner each night and am able to keep a better handle on my house keeping chores.

Tyce still struggles with impulse control and getting really wild and silly when it is time to settle down (like at night time tuck ins).

Tyce is starting to make friends and seems to be playing well with others.

Tyce doesn't seem to be trying to control each and every situation as much.

The girls have learned to "hold their own" with the boys. They both have gained some much needed confidence in the conflict resolution department.

Like I said...these 2 sweet boys have brought much JOY into our lives. I keep these lists here so I can see how far we have come and hopefully be an encouragement to others. The transition is slow. The progress is slow. But...oh...look how far we have come. We have seen great strides in the boys attaching and bonding with us. God has been good. He has given us the grace that we have needed in each and every moment. We have all grown and hopefully, become more like Christ in the process.

Ever heard of a "HAIR BUCKET"?

2010-08-13T14:02:00.001-07:00

If you have a counter full of hair supplies that you use on your child, you may be like me and move them around from one room to the next. Sometimes I "do hair" in the family room if we are heading out the door to church. Or I may "do hair" in the bed room after bath at night. What ever it may be, I have my little collection of what I am currently using on their hair each day. And I would cart these items around and tend to misplace one of them. So I finally decided to put them all in one container and move it from place to place when I do their hair.

So....what's in my hair bucket???

hand towel (not pictured - as it is in the wash) I need a towel to wipe my hands off and I also use it to protect their clothes when I spritz with water.

water bottle - I moved to good one (not a cheap junky one from the dollar store). Mine is actually a garden sprayer for plants. Sometimes I fill it with water and lemon juice, other times, just water.

spray leave in conditioner/tonic - I have some stuff from Biolage, but once it's gone, I am going try making one from flax seeds.

hair lotion - sometimes I used "Olive Oil" organic root stimulating and sometimes I uses "Alaffia" (my good friend Sarah sent me some and I really like it).

hair butter - I like the one called Second Life (notice my little guy on their site). All natural. I have tried making my own and haven't come upon the right ratio yet.

tea tree oil - gives a little shine when we are all done with fixing the hair.

skin lotion - anything that gets the ashy look off their legs. They have some thirsty skin. I have found when I used a natural soap, we don't need as much lotion.

So....what have I learned about hair? I think every adoptive mama is on the look out for the best hair care product. We are always hopeful that something will work better than what we are currently using. I like natural products. I have a hard time putting lots of chemicals on their hair. I've also learned I will probably try more items out there and they might make their way into our hair bucket as we try them out. My boys have different textures of hair and different kinds of curls so we are still learning. I have also learned...I don't have the heart to cut their hair off short and go with the buzz yet. So...we will have the hair bucket around to keep their hair full of moisture and shine.

amazing what you can do with a baby on your hip

2010-08-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

At first my little man was scared to death of the vacuum. Who can blame him? It is loud and sucks up little toys that have been left on the floor. So...out comes the sling and we can actually get some work done.
It's a little harder to move around when I am carrying Tate, but I am still able to get my chores done. He is 2 years old and I still "wear" him almost every day. I don't go anywhere with out my trusty sling. Baby wearing is a great way to promote bonding with your new little ones.

Finding the JOY in today

2010-08-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

If you know me at all, you know that I try really hard to focus on the positive. I seek to search for the silver lining. I aim at dwelling on the good. The reality is, adoption is hard. It's a hard transition for a family. It's hard on the new kiddos. It's hard on the big siblings. And as hard as it is, I still find JOY in our day. It is too easy to get down or discouraged when you have a little bump in the journey. So to encourage our family to concentrate on all the good and joyful things, I am keeping a list.

Each day I jot down things that cause me to smile. Things that I want to remember. These are the blessings that I noticed yesterday. Everything from Tyson's tender heart to Tatum's made up words. These boys are precious. Absolutely precious. It is a JOY to have them as part of our family. Seeing my list made me smile yesterday and hopefully the boys are able to see what a JOY they bring to our family.

Welcoming friends home from Africa

2010-08-04T06:56:00.000-07:00

Oh how we love our airport moments. It is so fun to gather together and welcome home a family with their new child. What makes it extra fun is when it is a family that was there for your airport homecoming.

Friday night we piled the kids in the car and welcomed home my friend Amy (filled with praise). They brought home their little man from Ethiopia. Our boys were all from the same transition home (Hannah's Hope). What a little cutie pie.

We are so fortunate to live in an area that is abundant with adoptive families. Seriously...we have it good here. I met a new friend who is also with AGCI and she was there for her first airport homecoming. Alison shared how lucky we are to have all these families around. She said they have only found about 4 adoptive families in their area. It just takes one family to cause the ripple affect. It will keep growing...and if not...why not move here. (wink wink)

I love when the Ethiopian workers come out and talk with the kids. One man said he remembers when we came home and chatted with us for a while. He commented on how big the boys are growing and even remembered that our boys are from the southern region. He told us..."they grow them tall there in the south".

Looking forward to the next airport homecoming.

Wow oh wow...what a picnic

2010-08-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

We had a fantastic weekend celebrating our agency and all the precious children that have found their forever home. What an absolute blessing to part of such a great agency. Families drove from all around to be part of this celebration. We invited our friends the Pratts to stay with us.

They got to know our boys when they were at HH. It was our first time having overnight company stay with us. Let's just say we were glad that it was another adoptive family that understands the dynamics of how our family functions. No judgement passed for tantrums or fussy kids. =)

I am posting pics from Sara's blog (or random pics from fb). She took great pictures and I had my hands full. I will probably try and post some of my own pictures, but for now I want to record these for our boys to look at some day.
Let's just start off by saying...this was a HOT day. Were talking, I looked red as a beet and was so sweaty. Not to mention, I had my little man strapped to me most of the day. The kids all enjoyed the water play and the jumpy house.

My little guy still gets over stimulated in large crowds and tends to shut down. So, out comes the sling and I pop him into it and we wandered around to give him some space. Thanks again Sara for this picture.

I'm thinking there were about 200 people there. What a great group of families. I felt like it was a family reunion (the kind you WANT to go to). These dear precious families all with the passion and heartbeat for the children.

And...speaking of children. Here they are. Precious children welcomed into loving families.

My crew is in the middle. Tyson is taking care of baby Mekele (Whitney's little one).

He finally shared about his birth family

2010-07-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today was the first time that Tyson Fikadu opened up and mentioned his birth family. We have been waiting and listening and curious if and when he would say anything about them. So after 5 months and enjoying his first happy meal, today was the day.

Chuck had taken him along for the morning and as they were driving around the city, he noticed the signs all around town. This must have triggered a memory for him. He then started sharing stories of bringing old signs to someone for money (sounds like he got 10 burr) and then he would take the money and buy food to share with his family. He actually used the phrase "my family". I am so glad he is able to start to share about his life before the orphanage. All we have heard about Ethiopia was his time at Hannah's Hope (the transition home he lived in). I had started to wonder if he would end up blocking some memories, but he felt comfortable enough to share.

We have worked hard at allowing our family to be a safe place for the boys. Believing that when the level of trust was established, Tyson Fikadu would open up and share some memories. Not only to give us a glimpse into his world, but also so we can record these for him so he can keep a connection to his life in Ethiopia.

We have learned a lot in the last few weeks of the extreme measures their family went to to provide food for the children. We have no idea what it must be like to feel the pains of hunger. Or as a mama, to not have enough food for her little ones. Needless to say, my heart is heavy tonight with processing these thoughts. I am feeling so unworthy of being the mama. What a precious privilege that God has entrusted these precious boys to our care.

Dear Sweet Peas,

I am so thankful that God matched us together. He knew that we would be the best fit. I love how He works to bring different pieces of fabric together to make such a beautiful quilt. It is an honor to be your mom. I pray I raise you boys well. I pray that you come to know God early and always walk with Him.

Love, Mom

It's been 5 months...some CUTE pics...and how to make injera

2010-07-21T12:11:00.000-07:00

So...it has officially been 5 months. And we are turning in our 6 month post placement report to our agency (that way it has time to make it to Ethiopia by the 6 month anniversary of our Embassy date). Our world is slowly becoming more and more normal. Now, our new normal is not the same as the old normal, but we are getting used to it. I like to share updates, not only for those following, but for my own records so I can see how far we have come.

Things that are different around here:

Tyce has learned to ride a bike without his training wheels. Yep...this kids amazes me EVERY DAY. First time, first try he did it (and he is trying to pop wheelies too - he's 4).

We are looking at a little simple program for Tyce to be part of this fall. Like a preschool or a mom's morning out. Just a simple something that will allow me to continue home educating and gives him a little opportunity for friend time.

Tate is fully potty trained (almost at night too). He was by the time he turned 2 last month. And that kid LOVES his undies.

Chuck has moved back to his own bed and Tyce is sleeping on his own. I am just a few feet away, but a little space seems to be a good thing for now.

We are filling out and filing papers for our re-adoption process here in the states. (Just a formality that is required due to the visa that the boys came home on...they have legally been part of our family since Jan).

I have started a small (in our town) adoption support group for families and a mom's night out. It has been a blessing for me and hopefully for others.

Both boys continue to explode in their language. And to add to it...are both signing a lot too.

I switched the car seats around in our van. I need to have Tyce a little closer to mama bear so he keeps up with the good behavior.

Tate will now fall asleep on his little mat on the floor as I sit next to him. He doesn't require being held the whole time.

I have now learned to cut both boys' hair. I went with shorter hair for Tyce for the summer to keep him cool, but as soon as I cut it...I regretted it. I LOVED the twists. They will be making an appearance this fall.

There are times that Tate can resist the tantrum and snap out of his fit. Not all that often, but we have seen it a few times.

Sometimes, instead of a tantrum, Tate will sulk on the floor with his head down, until he gets over it. (I think that is HUGE progression).

Things that are the same around here:

Tate still doesn't go to any class or nursery at church. He sits with us.

Tate still rides in the sling every day. He still loves to be held.

Both boys still visit the time out spot often. I sit a few feet away until they are ready to talk and do what's right.

I still hold and snuggle both boys each night for tuck ins. If I am out for the evening, I go after I put them down.

Tate and I are still co-sleeping in the same room. Baby steps to transition.

Both boys still don't like to be "parented". To go from "free range" to a structured family is still hard for them.

Both boys also don't enjoy when they don't get their way. Um...just like any child.

Chuck and I have not left them yet (accept after they were asleep for the night) with anyone else. Grammy and Papa have come to play with them at our home (while I was teaching a class upstairs) but we have continued to be the sole care takers for them.

OK, so that is a little bit of our update. Things continue to go well. Each day has challenges. But each day is still filled with many blessings. The girls are continuing to adjust well and fit into their new roles as big sister's to brothers. The boys clearly see us as their family and continue to stay close to us and not look for attention from others. God's blessings and grace has been evident in our family.

So...on to some pics. I had to gather all of my photos to turn in for our report. It is soooooo hard to get a picture of Tate looking at the camera, let alone, one of him smiling. But, here are a few recent pics. These boys are growing up right before my eyes. Oh...hurt...me...they are adorable.

And now for how to make injera. My very dear friend of many years brought home 3 Ethiopian kids last year and she has perfected how to make injera. Check out her blog HERE. And please pray for their daughter who is fighting a parasite infection that has her hospitalized. And speaking of prayer, I am praying for a few friends who leave this week to head on over to Africa and am praying for another family that had to put their trip on hold due to an Embassy orphan investigation. Praying lots and lots for these families each day.

Dear Sweet Peas,

I thank God each and every day that He allowed me to be the mama to raise you and teach you about Him. You have brought our family joy and blessings each and every day.

Love, Mom

invisible baggage

2010-07-15T12:18:00.001-07:00

As much as I want to be positive about our experience, I don't ever want to paint an unrealistic picture of what adoption really is. And so, because of my desire to keep it real (HERE is another great post on keeping it real) and help another who may be struggling with the lows of adoption...I share.

The reality is, most international older (other than infant) children who are adopted do not come into your family alone. With them, they bring their invisible baggage. You may not see it very often, but it is there. The difficult circumstances that they have been through that, at times they don't know how to handle the pain. And due to the limited information that you may have on your child's history, you may not even know what they cart around in those bags.

FEAR

BROKENNESS

HURT

ANGER

REJECTION

ABUSE

NEGLECT

PAIN

As great as the strides you make each day to help your children heal from the difficult place they come from...you can't fix it for them. You can't make it go away. You can't go back and change history. You have no control of what they have gone through. And to be honest, they have gone through a lot. (Read a good possible situation HERE to understand what might have taken place in their life).

Our social worker reminded me that it is important to accept that I can't change it and fix it. Acknowledging it will help me focus my energy on being supportive when our boys are struggling. And struggle, they do. There are times it feels like we take 2 steps forward and then one step back. We are not where we were 5 months ago, but we are not where we long to be.

I pray every day that GOD will heal the hurt and pain and brokenness. Oh...to see the brokenness first hand is hard. Grieving is normal for these kids. And they grieve in many different ways. Crying, sleeping, refusing to sleep, acting out, disobeying, rejecting, being difficult...all normal ways for these little ones to act. And one of my new phrases I've come up with is, "just because it's normal, doesn't mean it's easy". Everything we have experienced so far is NORMAL.

These little ones don't have the coping skills to process what they are feeling. And there are times that something triggers something from their previous life and then we have a few days of set back. A few days of grieving, rejecting, showing us their brokenness.

We had one of those days yesterday. Chuck had gone for his morning walk with Tyce (our 4yo) and he was all smiles and happy. Then they walked into the kitchen and I greeted him. The moment he saw me, his face fell. He wouldn't make eye contact with me. He was angry and defiant, he rejected me all day and was just out of sorts. The only thing I could get him to communicate was that he had a dream about Ethiopia and it made him sad. It clearly triggered some difficult feelings toward me, the mama (which is NORMAL to have rejection toward the mom only). And when he saw me that morning, he was reminded of it. I don't know if it was something about his birth family, or being left at the orphanage, or who knows what. But those feelings are real and he is a broken little 4 year old that is trying to process the pain the best he can.

And in those moments, I stay close to him. Hold him, pray with him, say loving things to him and try to reassure him that I will always be here for him and love him. And when we have days like that...I pray. I pray that God will heal their pain and hurt. That the Holy Spirit will do a miracle in their lives that will transform them to children that can understand love and God's grace.

So, today, we get up and the very visible baggage that was being carted around our home yesterday is back in the closet. It isn't gone, for the pain and brokenness is deep. It will be back and we will be reminded that they have experienced significant hurt in their little lives and we will take another step back. It will be an obvious reminder that they need the flow of the Spirit in their lives. The healing touch of Jesus.

Gather together

2010-07-13T11:32:00.001-07:00

Had a great time with some local families who are in the adoption world. I've shared before how important it is to find a group of other families that can understand your situation. Adoptive families not only share your passion and heart beat for orphans, they can relate. Relate to the difficult times of waiting, adjusting, parenting new additions...they can understand and be the support that you need.We have only gotten together a few times here in town but we already have about 15-20 families that are part of our group. Some of these families are just investigating adoption to see if it is right for them.

I loved to walk past groups of people and here bits and pieces of how they came to have a heart for adoption. Makes me smile.

We actually started to get rained out on this afternoon. It hasn't rained in weeks here and of course, the one day we have an outdoor party planned, it opens up and pours.

I think everyone was glad to have the sun come back out and shine down so the kids could play in the water.

Chuck was such a good man to stand and work the grill the whole time. When you are making 75 hot dogs, it takes awhile.

I loved watching these 3 boys play. Tyce has been longing for friends and this was so special for him to have fun with some new buddies.

Tate seemed happy enough as long as he had food with ketchup. He is doing better with larger crowds of people and seems to be able to handle short doses of stimulation.

We are also part of an African Fellowship in our larger city and have really enjoyed the fellowship there. This group here in our little town is not country specific, we have Ethiopian, South Korea, Nepal, domestic...all are welcome. Red and yellow, black and white...all precious in His sight.

I snapped these from the deck up high. Love that it shows we can host about 60 people and it doesn't feel too crowded. Guess that big yard is worth it. =)

Now...I'm just not sure where we will host all these families when the weather turns cool and we need to be indoors. But for now...I'm so glad we were able to gather together.

answers to some common questions

2010-07-11T11:53:00.000-07:00

So...I have gathered some questions and have spent a few days pondering some answers and wanted to post them here. Some of these questions I have gotten in person when I am talking with someone and thought I would throw those in here too.

First off...the most common question.

Are they biological brothers?

Well, that isn't how it is always worded (please don't use the phrase "real brothers"), but I think "biological" is the best way to state it. And yes, our boys are biological brothers.

What books would you recommend reading?

I have enjoyed a few that I would recommend. When we were thinking about adoption I read these.

Adopted for Life

Strength of Mercy

I've heard others enjoying some of these books.

There's No Me Without You

RED Letters

The Hole in our Gospel

For books about attaching and bonding:

The Connected Child

Attaching in Adoption

Adopting the Hurt Child

Handbook on Thriving as an Adoptive Family

How did your older children handle it? Were there concerns about having them give up too much?

Were your girls on board from day one, or was there reservation/jealousy/fear about how their life would be "shared" with two more siblings.

Well, we prepared the girls as best as we could. We have often talked about living a life that is full of sacrifice and they understood that was part of the package. They were on board from the get go, and I think it has been good for them to step into this new role. To be honest, most of Americans encourage our kids to think of themselves and don't challenge them to live more sacrificially. This isn't a whole lot different than when a mama gives birth to a new baby. The roles change. There is adjusting time and to be honest, we are all better for it.

Now that you have had your boys for 5 months (seems to have gone by so fast!!), what has the adjustment been like for your girls?

The transition has been normal. Some days are hard, most are pretty easy with maybe some difficult moments. At first, the girls did grieve the loss of having me to themselves, the loss of just the 4 of us, the loss of what was familiar. But we worked through it. We allowed them to share their feelings and we listened to them. Helped them process them and encouraged them to think of good things. It can become a danger of dwelling on the hard things. But we are dedicated to focus on the positive things.

What is it like to "start over" with a baby and toddler while having older, self-sufficient girls too.

Starting over...well...I'm older than I was 10 years ago, but not too rusty. I am back to little ones who are needy. They demand my attention ALL day long, and if you aren't willing to sacrifice your time and energy...than it could be a rude awakening. I have found, I do enjoy this role and I am grateful that God has given me another go around. The girls are a big help and it seems to be preparing them for caring for little ones. It is a beautiful thing to be part of.

How did/are you handling the language barrier with having an older child? Any tips on what works best to communicate with your children? I was wondering about how the process of learning English is going for your boys? How are you teaching them? Is it difficult to communicate?? Did they learn any English in Africa?

The language question is the second most common question I get. To be honest, I didn't give it much thought. If I could communicate about the basics (bathroom, mommy, hurt...) the rest would come. I knew how to say "shint" (potty) and "caca" (poopy) and "enat" (mama). We were able to communicate anything concrete ideas right away. Lots of acting things out, pointing and pictures. Abstract ideas were harder to communicate.

We have used a lot of signing and this has continued to help. In fact we are learning together how to sign many different things. We like this video series that we borrowed from the library (check to see what your library has, and if they don't...request it). We even watch them together. You can see some pics of Tate signing before he was able to say the words HERE.

Now that both boys have picked up the English language VERY well, we still sign. There are times that when they boys "shut down" emotionally (don't get their way or are being disciplined). When that happens, we use signing to talk things out. That has helped a great deal. It seems to be less intimidating for Tyce to sign to me rather than use words to express his feelings (signing is for more than just babies...it has been one of the best tools for us).

They didn't really know ANY English when they came home. Maybe 2 words or so. And I've heard that with in 3 months they lose their original language. Our boys have been exposed to 3 languages by now. Their native tongue, then the national language Amharic, and now English. They are truly sponges to learn this much. I do desire to have them learn some conversational Amharic so they can communicate with other Ethiopians (one project at a time).

Would you do it again?

I was recently asked this and my answer would be YES !!!!!!!!!!! I would do it again. Not only again to bring my two sweet peas home, but I would consider doing it again another time. I can see why people go back and adopt again and again.

Did you know for a long time that you would plan to adopt? Was it something you saw for your family for many years or a more sudden "call" to adopt?

I would say, I have always had a heart for adoption. For a very long time. In fact, when Chuck and I were first married (like 18 years ago) we went on a missions trip to Honduras and on that trip we had the chance to visit an orphanage. I will NEVER get that image out of my head, those children all crying and rows of babies needing food. I believe that God used that to move in my heart a passion for orphans.

We actually had considered adoption for many years before we had bio kids and never felt that the time was right. I think God had some work to do in us before He brought us to this place. And for the last 4 plus years we have been discussing adoption more seriously. Something that was significant for me was studying the book of Ephesians about 3 years ago. Understanding more and more about God's heart for adoption. I think we thought there would be a "right time" and we were waiting for things to be more settled. We had saved up our adoption "nest egg" and due to our moving we lost it all. Like I said, there is no perfect time. But last summer I couldn't shake the sense of urgency. We stepped out in complete faith, feeling that it was time we followed in obedience and respond to the call on our family to adopt. And God, in His great mercy, blessed every step of the way.

What has helped your family adjust to the new boys? How is the attaching and bonding going?

I think it was crucial for us to cocoon (stay home and limit interaction with others) for 3 months. It has really helped the boys identify what family is and helped them connect with us and us with them.

Co-sleeping has also been key. It has provided the foundation that the boys need to understand that we will always be here for them. They both have the abandonment issue and that is normal for their situation. We are working really hard at making them feel very secure in our family.

Routine is the next big thing that has helped our transition. We live a pretty simple life and having an expected routine for the boys helps them cope with the ups and downs they feel during each day. There just aren't a lot of surprises around her and that helps them feel safe and secure.

That's about it for this round of questions. Feel free to shoot me a question if you have more or if I missed yours. I have prayed from day ONE that our story would be a positive example of adoption. Still praying that God uses our family to grow yours.

Send me your questions

2010-07-06T12:19:00.001-07:00

I often get emails asking questions about our adoption. I figured it would be helpful to post a little Q AND A here on the blog. So, send me questions you may have been thinking. From how did we decided to adopt to picking an agency or a country. Maybe you have questions about older children for adoption or siblings. Wonder if we would do it again? Or maybe what the biggest challenge is? Ask away...I will make a post in the next few days.

If you'd like your question to be anonymous...just let me know and I won't post your name. All comments come to my email before I post anything.

Cris

Bye bye GIARDIA

2010-07-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to share a little update on how we finally got rid of the giardia. If you are unfamiliar with giardia...talk to anyone who has done third world country and you will realize it is just part of the package. One of the reasons you don't drink the water (lovely little parasites that you can pick up from the water). But of course, we figured it would be just one of the medical issues we would deal with (remember our list???).

Well, four months and four rounds of antibiotic treatments and LOTS of natural remedies...and BYE BYE GIARDIA. We started with Alinia (3 day treatment - did NOTHING), moved to one round of Metronidazole (10 day treatment - worked a little but the big D was back as soon as the treatment was done), then moved to Tinidazole (has to be special ordered and only found at our local children's hospital - worked a little but again...signs that it wasn't gone for good). THEN...I started doing some research on what else we could do.

Marched myself into the health food store and picked up some really good probiotics and Grapefruit Seed Extract (pictured on the right). GSE - 2 drops per 10 pounds of their weight, 3 times a day (we put it in a medicine spoon of orange juice). And we did that for about 2 and a half months before we saw good results. Consistency with the probiotics (which helps build up their gut - which after ALL those antibiotics was pretty bad) makes a big difference. I wanted to show the picture of the yellow box of probiotics. Got them at Target, chewable for kids...not great probiotics, but better than none. We also used Danactive yogurt drink and stayed off of sugar (which just makes it worse). And good vitamins help too. Trying to get these boys healthy.

Then we did one more round of Metronidazole and that seemed to finally take care of it. Giardia can be persistent. It can take months to take care of. It can get frustrating when you little one has horrible diarrhea every day. Lots of adopted kids struggle with it and it helps to talk to other adoptive moms that have been there before. Most docs aren't used to it and aren't sure why the antibiotics don't work. I found the natural route to be a big help for us.

And now...I can take them to the pool and not fear we will contaminate the whole neighborhood.

Tate is 2 today !!!

2010-06-29T12:26:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday to my little man. What a joy to be your mama. You make me smile each and every day. We love you so very VERY much.

I will have to post more later about the party we had to celebrate but just a few shots of our birthday boy. We had to call the kids out of the pool to blow out the candles. Should have dried you off a bit...but what a precious moment...our first birthday together.

I can't help but think all day about your birth mom today. May God bless her for her loving gift of life to you and our family.

Travel TOY ideas (especially for toddler and preschool age kiddos)

2010-06-22T17:08:00.000-07:00

I wanted to share from personal experience some ideas of what worked for us for travel toys. It took a little asking around to get some good ideas and our agency lists some basics of things to bring to keep your kids entertained in the hotel room, traveling on the airplane and waiting for the embassy appointment. The typical ideas were:

Bubbles
Crayons and color book
Toy cars

I searched around for some unique and stimulating toys and games that would keep the kiddos entertain. We knew that Tate liked balls, so we brought a blow up beach ball and punch balloons. Got those at the dollar store and they were a hit !!!
Here we have some books with lots of pictures. I thought these would give us something to talk about. Point to the picture and say the English word...have them say the Amharic word. Another activity book (not pictured) was a sticker book. Tyce and I worked on that together (good bonding activity). I wished I had brought a small story book. These were just pictures with no story. We also had 2 of these magnetic games/toys. You can look for them at toy stores or even at Cracker Barrel (they have FANTASTIC travel games and toys).
Here were coloring/writing toys. Aqua wonder, magna doodle, etch a sketch, and the painting toy. We also brought coloring book and colored pencils. I wish I had brought just a notepad and pencil. Tyce likes to write his ABC's (something he learned at the orphanage).
Electronic toys !!! These were a hit. The lights...the buttons...the sounds...they LOVED these. Even though they were a little young for our 4 year old, he was equally entertained. These kids are into buttons. So, if you don't want your kids taking over your cell phone and camera, bring something with buttons. The only thing that wasn't a big hit...the Leapster. They couldn't figure it out. Simple was better. Developmentally, most orphans are behind, so younger toys are just fine. On a different note, the music toy with the yellow circle was a coping toy for Tate. I had that when we met the boys and pulled it out right away. He spent most of our week together holding that toy up to his ear.

This little green cell phone was a great toy for the 4 yo. Buttons and sounds and lights. That way our little guy could use the music toy in the previous picture. The travel view master was cool too. We clipped it onto our back pack and all the kids loved it. I also packed the puzzle in a ziplock baggie and photo copied the cover of the box. That was a good toy to play with together. Interactive with parent and child.

Here are some small goodies. Finger puppets, cars, key chain size stacking rings. We also had matchbox cars, matchbox airplane (to explain where we were going and what we would travel on), and wind up toy bugs (not sure where those have ended up). The wind up toy was a good toy. Again, something to interact with your new child but not too close and intimidating. The BEST hit of our trip was a whirly toy I found at the dollar store. Junky little thing but it was clearly a GOD thing to have brought it. You can see it in all of our gotcha pics (here and here). I have also seen some cool whirly toys and have thought they would be a fantastic toy to bring when you meet your children.

We also brought a portable DVD player to use in the hotel room. We had learned that the kids watch quite a bit of TV at HH (the transition home). Even if our DVD's were new to them, it gave us something to do those long days. And some of the hard days, the boys just needed to zone out. It is a LOT for these little minds to comprehend. Some down time is needed.

I strongly suggest bringing toys when you meet your kids. Interaction that isn't too close and intimidating. Coloring side by side would be too close. But throwing a ball back and forth or racing cars back and forth would be a good idea. It could be terrifying for some children to meet their new family and setting realistic expectation for that meet and greet is a good idea.

When it was time to travel home, we brought out the backpack that was hidden. I worked hard at pulling out different toys each day. Rather than have it a free for all as soon as we got to the hotel room. I had saved new and different toys for the plane ride. But to be honest, we just prayed for God's mercy as we traveled home. It wasn't the easiest of trips, but we did make it home in one piece.

expressing his dreams

2010-06-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

We ask Tyce each morning what he dreamed about. We all know that in our dreams is a common place to work out our thoughts and emotions. I think it is a way for us to see what is going on in his sweet little head. It is interesting to see how his dreams have changed over the past few months.

At first when we started asking what he dreamed about, he shared about scary dreams he was having. It was a break through for us to understand what scared him. Spider man climbing up the house. It took me a bit to figure it out with his limited English. But I know that "ladybug" (which is how he shared it) is his generic name for all bugs and creepy crawly things. And I was able to understand it was a bug that climbs. Once we figured out it was spider man, we went to his room and threw out anything with that image on it (2 jammie shirts). I took him in my arms and comforted him and reminded him that he is safe here and mommy and daddy are her for you. I also asked him if he had scary dreams while he was in Ethiopia, and he cried and said yes. Then he said "Fikadu alone". Meaning...no one was there to comfort him after a bad dream. That's enough to break your heart. Poor sweet thing. He seems to have gotten over the spider man dreams and doesn't share much about scary dreams anymore.

Then he moved onto dreaming about his friends from the orphanage. He would share about how they were dancing together with Abushy (little brother) and him in his dreams each night. At this time, he had seen some pictures of his friends on other blogs and seemed to be missing them and grieving the loss of his close HH friends. We have stopped looking at pictures of his playmates in hopes that he is able to understand more that our family is forever. It seems to be wise to let some time pass before these kids can fully process all their feelings of their previous life. We have been told to wait 9-12 months before we initiate pictures of the life in Ethiopia.

Tyce's most recent dreams include going for scooter rides with Daddy. You see...this boy LOVES his daddy. I'm sure it helps that they are STILL co-sleeping in the boy's room and get to wake up and talk first thing in the morning. Chuck is one busy man, and time with the family is limited. So, I love that he has positive feelings about the time he gets to spend with Daddy.

Chuck did take Tyce on one small and very slow scooter ride down our street. It must have made a lasting impression. Enough for a small boy to dream about.

stepping back to see how far we've come (this post is only about a month overdue)

2010-06-16T19:47:00.000-07:00

When you are in the thick of adjusting, it is hard to see how far you have come. When your kids don't leave your side, it is hard to tell in what ways they have changed. I intended to post these pictures like a month ago, but never got around to it. Somehow these pictures were overlooked. But looking back through these photos has helped me see how much has changed since we came home.

We had the opportunity to welcome home a playmate from HH at our local airport. Even though we were still in the cocooning stage, I wanted to bend the rules a bit and be at the airport to witness this family meeting all together for the first time.

There is something so special about those airport moments. I can see why the adoption community jokingly says they are addictive. We all love to show our support in this way and it means so much to the family. This event was really good for me to see that we are not that BRAND NEW family who has JUST come home. We have begun to settle in. It doesn't feel as new. We have actually had the boys with us longer than they were at the orphanage. When we climbed off that plane, we were beyond exhausted. Almost couldn't see straight. It was all a blur. It was good for me to see how much has changed in just a few short months.

How sweet to see these 2 buddies reunite at the airport. It meant so much for Tyce to have a familiar face to greet him, I hope this little AJ also has fond memories of seeing Fikadu when he arrived in America.

So...stepping back to take a good look. Our boys have come so far. They have grown and changed and become different kids. When I look back at those referral photos, I have a hard time almost seeing the children I now know. Good for me to see a different perspective.

I snapped this pic as I was loading up the kids to head home from the airport that day. When we had arrived home, our little man screamed the whole way home. And now look, just a few months later, he can ride in a car seat and even enjoy the ride.

Rare photo...Tate smiling.

Jealousy in Adoption

2010-06-14T11:39:00.000-07:00

I have had this post rolling around in my thoughts for awhile and I wanted to share some of my thoughts on jealousy in adoption. Kind of a Debbie Downer of a topic, but I feel that it is something that is quite real and can be a struggle for many adoptive families.

First off I will share from my own struggles of jealousy in adoption and hopefully that might open the doors of communication as we spur each other on to live a life that is fully pleasing to God. I believe that jealousy can creep into our lives in many different ways and if we are unaware, our thoughts can easily become captive of not being content in our certain circumstances. For isn't that what jealousy is...not being content where we are in the situation that God has us in?

There was a time in my life that I wished and longed for our family to look like this photo. In one way that is a good thing, but when it got to a point of me not being content with the children God had given me...and I was jealous of other adoptive families...not such a great place to be.

Last year when we began our journey of filling out paperwork and working on our fundraising for our adoption I found myself becoming jealous of others. When I would hear of another family getting a loving donation from a stranger, I would wonder why wasn't that us? Or if I heard of a yard sale that raised a lot of money, I wondered how come our yard sale didn't raise that much. Or even families that had a lot of support from others, I wondered if we would be left out or would others rally around us and support us too?

I am almost embarrassed to write those words, but I had that ugly sin in my life of coveting what someone else had and wishing I had it too. I knew it was wrong and God worked in my heart to surrender to His plan and I was able to come to the point where I was truly happy for those families that got the needed money or support or had a successful fundraising event. I was able to see that God's timing was perfect, that His plan was the best and I had to submit to His will and not seek my own.

There is something unique about the adoption journey. You see it is one of the most emotional journeys you could ever be on. You are often cut to the core of your raw emotions that must be brought before the Lord and checked with Him. And through the process of the adoption journey, I believe that God is constantly getting rid of all that you are that isn't of HIM.

Jealously can surface in so many areas. Jealous of someone else for...having their agency work faster...for having a better SW...for getting their paperwork in before you...getting on the waiting list first...for having a husband who is willing to adopt...for passing court the first time when you didn't...for getting earlier travel dates...choosing a different agency...for having a better adoption support group...for getting a referral before you...for being placed with an easier child...for having family that is supportive instead of judgmental...for having someone throw them a shower...of having a slow moving country program or worse yet, having a program shut down all together...for loosing your money on an adoption...for having a birth mom pick another family or decide to parent the child instead...for watching another family's adjustment be easier than yours...for..........

Clearly the list can go on and on. These are all areas that can easily cause us to wish we had different circumstances. I am sure you can list more than what what I came up with. It might even be that you are (or have) struggled with this and yet you are ashamed to admit it (even to yourself). I want to encourage you (and myself too) to check those thoughts with

Philippians 4:8

whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

We know that from 1 Corinthians 13 that LOVE is NOT jealous.

And James 3:16 reminds us that where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing.

a day in the life of the peapod

2010-06-06T20:13:00.000-07:00

6:30 - wake up and use potty
7:00 - breakfast with daddy
7:00 - wash up and get dressed (mommy shower)
8:00 - boys get dressed (daddy heads out the door for work)
Mommy prepare for school

8:30 - school time #1 for all kids (go here for some ideas of what I am doing to stimulate some learning at home)

10:00 - snack time (mommy either reads to kids or works with one of the girls for 1 on 1 school time)

10:15 - play time for all the kids

10:30 - big kids head back for school time #2 (boys get more play time outside or in basement to get the wiggles out)

11:45 - lunch break (clean up and potty time for boys)

12:30 - more physical play time for boys (free time for girls)

1:00 - boys down for naps and rest (school time #3 for girls - best time for mom to teach more focuses subjects like science and history - usually one hour a day of devoted teaching time)

2:00 - 2:30 - up from naps, snack time (prep for dinner and chores for mom - Tate is pretty fussy when he wakes up)

3:00 - 4:30 - play time for all (playset, bikes, walk - boys require constant supervision during play time)

time for mom to finish chores and dinner (this day the boys helped make dinner)

4:30 - clean up for dinner and tidy house
5:00 - dinner (Chuck is still at work)
5:30 - last play time of the day for the boys
6:00 - bath time for boys (computer time for girls)

6:30 - jammies and stories with mom
7:00 - tuck in (snuggle time) first Tyce
Daddy hurries home for a good night kiss
One last brotherly hug...then off to bed.
7:30 - then Tate (I still hold each of the boys until they fall asleep)
8:00 - mommy reads to girls and tucks them in
9:00 - mommy starts night time chores and finally gets to the computer to return emails
10:00 - mommy is DONE for the day because it starts all over again.

I have learned I have to really purpose my day. If not, time slips away and I don't get much done. If I don't plan ahead, dinner time turns into a disaster, school doesn't get done, laundry piles up....As you can tell right now, we spend most days at home in our own little nest. I am also working really hard at having lots of cuddle time with the boys. Notice how often they sit with us either for reading or snack time. We are working so hard at bonding.

Now...to be honest, this particular day (notice I look like I had been crying most of the day - well, I had) that I snapped these pictures was a horrible day. Just a rough day for obeying and listening to mom and full of lots of attitude. It reminded me how much I need to keep praying for these kids. I need to keep seeking God's grace each and every day. We are dealing with some normal behavior that tends to surface once the boys feel more comfortable around us. Just because it is normal, doesn't mean it's easy. Please keep praying for our transition.

Let's talk about HAIR

2010-06-02T20:32:00.000-07:00

OK...all you readers who are about to bring home your little ones from Africa and are looking for some helpful tips on hair...listen up. Well, seriously, I am NO expert on hair but I have a little info to share.

Black hair is so very different from non-black hair. It doesn't need to be washed as often (only every 1-3 weeks is all it needs) and it needs some moisture and shine to be added to it daily. Just like most adoptive mommies, I have a cabinet full of different products that I have tried on the boy's hair. Every thing from Panteen for Women of Color to all natural hair butter have been tried out on my little guys. First off, let me share we try not to go out when the boys have frizzy hair. I work hard at having them look good and well cared for so I often apply new lotion to their hair and skin if we are out and about.
Here is Tyce before his hair has been done for the morning. Lots of fuzzy fly aways.

We have not cut their hair since we have been home. If you pull out the curls, it is about 1-2 inches long. Tyce has tighter curls.
Now for some pics after I have "done" his hair. I spritz with water, then add a little leave in conditioner and this picture was after I added some "Second Life Hair Butter" (visit this site here).

Of all the products I have tried so far, this Second Life Hair Butter is my favorite. I love that it is natural. I really hate the idea of applying chemicals on my little guy's hair every day. I do his hair each morning and then again after bath.

I have found with most products, I like it for a few days and then their hair starts to frizzy up again. A lot of products have alcohol in them and that dries out the hair. You need to find something that adds shine and moisture back into their hair.

Just today I tried some twists in Tyce's hair. Oh my word...I love it.
I just grabbed some hair and started to twist. Isn't it just adorable???

Look at that grin. What a happy little guy.

I am a big fan of the natural curls on the boys. I have also learned it is just easier to not comb or pick through their hair. I just use my fingers to style and work in the hair lotion. It can be a hassle to fix their hair every day, but I just don't have the hear to cut it yet.

finding support through friendships

2010-05-28T11:34:00.000-07:00

When we first started our journey to adopt I remember someone telling us that the adoption community will become your new family. That concept has stuck with me through out our process and I have come to completely agree. At first I couldn't see why our new adoption friends would be any different than our other circle of friends. We have a variety of circles that we socialize in and I wasn't sure this new group would be any different than our homeschooling friends or our church friends or work friends or neighbors. But somehow when you connect with another adoptive family you share a bond that unites you.

These are other people that understand the trials, the struggles, the waiting, the fund raising, the paperwork, the court process, the referral, the travel, the first few weeks home, the adjusting, the bonding and attaching, the idea of learning to parent new children from unique backgrounds, the sickness that the kids come home with, the milestones, the cocooning, the joys and blessings that it all brings. They have been through this before or possibly are preparing to encounter this themselves.

I have become a believer in doing life intentionally. I understand how important it is to find the support of other adoptive families. To invest in friendships with other adoptive moms. To carve out time to go for coffee with some gals and nurture that budding friendship that starts with the common passion for adoption and orphans.

Just in the last week or so, we held a picnic get together (that is where all these shots came from) with some other adoptive families here in our small town. It was a blast. I noticed a common theme that all of these families really long for this kind of connection. It didn't take much to organize it and there never is a time that everyone can make it. But even on short notice we had 7 families meet at the park for a summer evening of connection.

I also met up with some friends for coffee this week. We met late one evening and talked until they kicked us out of Starbucks and then we talked some more in the parking lot. I came away refreshed. I need to do this kind of thing more often. Rather than waiting for someone else to initiate it, I figured I might as well take the plunge. With in just about 3 miles of our home we have many adoptive families. Some from our agency, some not. Some from Ethiopia, some from Nepal. All eager to find families that "look like them" to do life with. We are very grateful for so many families to find support in.

I find it best not be an island. Friendship is important and rejuvenating. I look forward to continue these adoption friendships. I have these ideas that our kids will grow up knowing each other and finding that this is where their support comes from when they hit those teenage years and need others who understand their adoptive situation.

3 months update and a little glimspe into our world

2010-05-26T04:06:00.000-07:00

WOW...3 months...we have cleared the 3 month mark. Gotta say, it is a big deal and a wonderful sigh of relief. We have worked so hard during these past months to do things so intentionally to help our boys adjust and bond and connect. That has been the biggest goal and I feel like it has been worth it.

We are starting to come out of our cocoon, slowly but surely. Easy does it and baby steps for sure. We are still co-sleeping with the boys and not sure we that now would be the best time to change that. I think we will continue that a little longer. The boys are still sleeping well and eating well. I haven't seen too many changes in that area of our lives. They both have adjusted to our menu here at home but also still enjoy Ethiopian foods.

I have gone back to working with the girls each day for school and the boys have done a great job of exploring the educational toys and activities that I have provided for them. Check out the family blog to see some of the things I have done to help them work on some basic skills.

Speaking of basic skills...their language has come so far. Tyce can understand about everything we say and we can understand 90% of what he is trying to communicate. Sometimes we have to be a little creative, but we get it done. Tate puts 3 words together often and still uses signs to aid in his communication.

We are still seeing signs of testing from both boys and they often get upset (either tantrums or pouting) when they don't get their way. We have been casual about nipping this but our plan is to begin working harder at more appropriate responses. I got the OK from our worker at AGCI to begin disciplining a bit more. She reminded me that boundaries and regulations and structure are all new to them. They have had a lack of parenting for so long that it will be a slow process but if we are consistent we should see some improvements.

Both boys have been to the dentist and we got the confirmation that Tyson is indeed 4. He had a great first visit and was able to get his teeth cleaned. We are thankful that we don't have major work that needs to be done. And Tatum was hesitant, but did finally let the dentist look in his mouth. No cleaning or anything this time, but at least it was a great first visit.We have seen huge improvements in so many areas and we are so thankful that our transition has continued to go so well. One of my prayers is that our situation would be a positive adoption story. There are enough negative ones, so it would be neat to be a positive testimony. I have also prayed that God would use our story to encourage others to follow God's lead in their own lives to adopt. To stretch their tent...to think outside the box...to follow where God leads.

I just don't have time these days for extras like blogging, but I do desire to keep it updated as much as I can. I wanted to share a little picture that Tyson drew of me. Each day during his rest time, he spends that time writing words or drawing pictures. He then brings them out to me to show me while I am teaching the girls their science. He likes me to guess what they are. This was one of my favorite pictures that he has drawn.

If you are fb friends with me you have already seen it. If you look closely, I have a smile. =)

Here is one of my favorite pictures from Mother's day. Oh how I love these sweet peas. They are precious. We are bonding...we are connecting...we are attaching. Praise God !!!

Gigi

2010-05-13T06:00:00.001-07:00

Tissy (who is now known as Gigi according to Tate) has become a great big sister. This is a new role for her and she is flourishing in it. She sits next to Tate in the van and tries to keep him entertained. She is quick to grab a bib at meal time. She hauls the high chair out back if we are eating on the deck. She likes to help find clothes for the boys to wear and is often around for dressing time to get anything I need. She likes to make a snack for the boys in the morning while I work on a little more school with Tally. She plays with them at the tot table (go check it out here). She has turned out to be a great big sister. I am proud of her for learning to care for these little guys and allow her heart to grow to include her new brothers. Oh how she loves them so very much. I would say she is adjusting well.

Oh how I love it...

2010-05-10T19:15:00.000-07:00

...when my boys come into the bathroom while I am in the shower and sing and dance for me. Yep...the little one was naked (we are potty training here) and he did a lovely little dance for me stomping all over the bathroom scale (hey, at least someone is using the scale). Then big brother comes in and says "Mama, you like music?" To which I respond, "Yes, I like music." So in he marches with 2 large pot lids and bangs them together and marches around the bathroom. That kid has got the beat. Nice and loud and full of gusto...these 2 march around the bathroom while I am trying to shower. And at the end of their song and dance...Daddy comes in and finds them in the bathroom and shoos them out saying "You boys get out and give your mother some peace and quite."

Nah...let them come in and sing and dance and play their music any old time. I love it !!!!!!!!

I wonder what it was like the day your heart broke....

2010-05-05T19:49:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking a lot about all of the different trauma and experiences that our boys have gone through. In just their few short years of life they have experienced so many difficult things and situations and I can only begin to imagine how hard it has been for them.

I have seen these sweet peas come so far in just over two months. Their world has completely changed and they have handled all the stress of transition extremely well. Yes...we have had some good moments and some NOT so good moments, and if I were to make a blanket statement, they have done really well. But for some reason, tonight, it is good for me to process through some different feelings and thoughts (almost therapeutic for me - thanks for the encouragement to do so Dad).

And so...I wonder what it was like the day our boys' heart broke.

My precious sweet peas, I wonder what it was like when you figured it out that your birth mom wasn't coming back to pick you up. I wonder if you understood that she made the choice that she did because she love you enough to let you go. Her love was strong enough, deep enough, sacrificial enough to let you have life. A life that she couldn't give you.

Food.
A home.
Education.
Opportunities.

The little information we have about your birth mom includes the wish and prayer that she wants you to know that it was only poverty that forced her to let you go. Notice I didn't say "give you up". There is a difference. She was giving you life. Releasing you to live.

When she took you to the orphanage that led you to Hannah's Hope, when did you figure out that she wasn't coming back. That moment is the one that breaks my heart. That idea that I can't shake, that you, my babies, lost trust. A trust that we are trying so hard to rebuild. A trust that only God can heal in your hearts and minds. You must have felt so alone and abandoned.

I wonder how much you understood. When you knew. Did your birth mom explain it to you, my precious boys? Even if you were told, did you understand? Most likely, you only understood a little, but the wound is still deep. Each time Daddy returns from work and you run like crazy to meet him at the door and wrap your arms around him and hug and kiss him...I get a little glimpse of hope. Hope that God is rebuilding that trust, that the people who love you and care for you will return.

I am sorry. I am so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you from the pain and the loss. You have experienced such difficult loss and as a mother, I want to protect you from any harm and pain you may experience. I have had to trust that our God, who loves you more than I, will protect you and care for you and heal you in His perfect time.

I wasn't there when your heart broke. When the trust was broken. But...I am so thankful that God has allowed me to be part of your healing. I am committed to you. And I take comfort in knowing that God knows, and understands and He promises He will not leave you as orphans, He will come to you (John 14:18).

Love, Mom

Brotherly love - and a little taste of how adopting siblings is different than a single child

2010-05-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

One of the things that we had to do before we could accept our referral was prepare a transition plan for our siblings. I do love that our agency works so hard at preparing us with LOTS of education for our adoption. I feel like it has helped us to have realistic expectations and helped us succeed in the first few months. We had to write a whole plan on how we would handle the unique challenges of siblings.

At first I thought this idea was kind of odd...I mean...we already have siblings...and I was part of a sibling...how hard can it be???? But bringing in a set of siblings into your home is different. One of the things that drew us to the idea of siblings in the first place, was that they would always have a buddy. Not just a play mate, but someone who has been through the same experience as themselves. I hope and pray that some day they find comfort in knowing that are not alone in this world.

I love when I look at one of the boys and I can see their brother in them. Somehow a look or a mannerisms that just resembles the other one. It is such a special thing. I love it.

We have been on the look out for making sure they boys come to us for their needs and not going to each other. That is one of the concerns of the sibling relationship. It had been reported that our older son was very protective and cautious of the little one. Taking care of him was very familiar to him. Though it is a sweet thing, we needed to make sure that the boys come to US to care for their needs. It is so important for them to see Chuck and I as the care givers. All part of the purposeful bonding and attaching that must take place.

I wanted to share a few ideas of what we have done to work on breaking the strong dependence of each other and try to get the boys to depend and turn to us.

Bath time - I don't bath them together and I don't give them the soap, rinse cup or wash cloth. They both want to do it all on their own and instead I need them to see me as the care giver.

Sleeping - Even though we will have the boys sleep in the same room, they are currently sleeping in different rooms. One with each of us.

Comfort and meeting needs - I don't let our older one take care of the little guy. I get what ever he needs and keep using the phrase "let mama do it". At first we saw this as a big problem, but we have seen him back off a lot and take the roll of brother and not care giver.

Separating the boys - just like for sleeping, I have them sit on different sides of the table, and ride in different rows in the car.

This whole idea may seem odd to some of you. Like I am trying to break their special bond. I am not, in fact I love that they have a closeness of being brothers from the same mother. (Interestingly, that is one of the first questions people ask "Are they biological brothers?" and though I don't feel like I owe anyone an explanation, I do answer and share "Yes, they are biological siblings.") But instead, we want them to see each other as brothers. That is their role in their relationship. Brother...sibling...friend...playmate. At times I see a little glimpse of an exclusive club that only the 2 of them belong to. At first we had our concerns this closeness would not allow bonding with us, but since we have intentionally worked on it, we have seen things change. At first, Tyson Fikadu would run to Tatum Abush with every little cry and try to take care of it. We have seen his role change to the appropriate big brother role.

Just the other day, we were out playing in the yard and Tate tripped on a little pile of dirt. He fell and got a mouthful of dirt and cried and allowed me (the mama) to comfort him and dust the dirt off as I held him. At the same time, Tyce ran to the garage, found a little child's size rake and went after that dirt pile, knocking it down and getting rid of it. When he was done working on it, he said "There you go baby". Some how it seemed more like something a big brother would do, he wanted to help out. You can still see how much they care for each other and we are thrilled to see that. Brotherhood. One of the reasons we wanted to bring home siblings in the first place.

Dear Sweet Peas,

I love to see how you have a special love and connection to each other. I am so glad we followed God's leading. I pray you will always have a close relationship to each other.

Love, Mom

Baby Signs and learning to communicate and our 2 month update

2010-04-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

Since we have been home with the boys two months now, we are really starting to find our groove and settle in to a new normal routine.

We are now fully making our own food. A big huge thank you to all those who helped us with meals. It was such a fantastic help and words can hardly express how much we appreciate it. Our meals are simple and what I call a one dish meal, basically a casserole of some sorts.

I am back to schooling the girls. Another big thanks to Grammy for all her help in this area. We are able to get most of our school work done with minimal interruptions. The boys are pretty good with finding something to keep them busy in the school room while I work with the girls. Nap time is when we get our science done since that takes mommy presenting the lesson.

The boys can understand about 75% of what we say to them. And Tyson can communicate a lot back to us. We have learned to figure out what he has to say and he does all of his talking in English.

Even Tatum has some words he says. "Mama" being his number one choice. He has some made up names for Tissy - "Gigi" and Tally - "Allee" - and Chuck is most often "Abba".

We use signs with Tate. It has been fun to watch him pick these up. Here are some of the most common ones.

Please

Thank you

Duck

Kitty

Doggy

They are learning new things every day. It is a joy to teach them and help them learn. Their world is exploding with information and we are just amazed at how they soak it all in. I hope this is an encouragement for those families that are preparing to bring new little ones home and are concerned about the communication situation. God's grace has been sufficient.

Minus 2

2010-04-23T21:00:00.001-07:00

Tyce loves to write. Each day during rest time he writes letters and notes and copies words. Then he gives them to me and I get to figure out what he has written. Once he gave each of the girls a piece of paper with their name on it (it was too cute). He acted all shy and tentative. He has learned to write his name and he can write mom and dad from memory. The photo album that we sent him includes pictures of all of us with a label for each picture. This is where he has learned to spell most of these words.

One day he gave me this post-it.

And as I read it...tears (the happy - melt - your - heart - kind ) just flowed down my cheeks. He found a poster in the garage from one of our yard sales.

If you can't read it, it says

"ETHIOPIA HAS 5 MILLION ORPHANS".

We said yes to the call to change the world for 2 little guys. Their world will never be the same.

And neither will ours.

There are 2 less orphans in the world.

5 million

minus 2.

Adoption Travel Journal day 7 - Feb. 26, 2010

2010-04-23T18:40:00.000-07:00

It is our final day here in Ethiopia. I have always wanted to come to Africa and now it is time for us to leave with 2 fantastic treasures. We are so excited to be going home yet....we are absolutely exhausted. So very VERY VERY tired. Someone had told us how tired we would be, but I am not sure I had realistic expectations for how tired we would be.

Today we need to pack up our things and sort what we are taking home and what we will decide to leave here and give to HH as extra donations. We spent some time in our room cleaning up and packing. The boys have been able to find things to do and have really enjoyed the toys we brought. Almost each and every toy has been a hit. We were both amazed to watch Abush kick the ball around the hotel room and make his own game. He would kick the ball right to his target and knock down these little boxes of medicine almost every time. Then he goes back and sets them up for the next turn. Fascinating to watch these kiddos play.

We were able to send a quick email home to ask all of our prayer support to keep praying for us. We are feeling like there isn't anything left in us to give in order to make it home. I (cris) am feeling sick with typical orphan cold sickness (sure I picked it up from all the runny noses that the kids have). And Fikadu is still so uncomfortable with the itchy scabies. We are feeling at the end of our rope.

We did get a nap in and were able to rest before we had to check out of the hotel. Our flight isn't until almost midnight but we have to check out at 4:00PM. Once we checked out, we felt very uncomfortable hanging around the hotel for those extra hours. Just awkward for all of us milling around the lobby.

Saying good bye to some friends from HH.

We got to the airport and found a HUGE line to get in the door. Mobs of people everywhere. Kids were tired. We were tired. As we waited in line to go through security, we watched the electricity go out for awhile. Yep...third world country for ya.

After checking in and going through the proper lines, it was about midnight. Fikadu was falling apart. Crying, itching, moaning...I thought he was going to have the full melt down right there at the airport. Somehow...he didn't (thank you Lord).

Each of our flights were LONG and we reached a new level of tired. By the time we went from Addis, to Sudan, to Amsterdam to Detroit to home....we had been up for over 48 hours. The kids did pretty well one each flight. Minimal crying...a few fits...but we made it.

Going through customs in Detroit took a bit of time, but was really quite easy. The boys handled the crowds and lines and travel better than our natural born children would have. Think about it...we had only been with them a few days and then to experience all of these sensory overloads. God's grace was sufficient.

We had a little longer lay over in Detroit, due to some snow. We explored around and called home to the girls. It was soooooooo great to talk to them and know that we were just a few hours from being home. Then...we got some food. We were so hungry and ended up eating McDonald's. The boys enjoyed french fries and chicken nuggets. It was so fun to watch Fikadu explore all these new things. In one day, he rode his first elevator, people mover, airplane ride and ate his first ice cream. And when we told him we were in America, his expression was priceless.Here is Abush playing his "transfer" game. He spent an hour passing these papers back and forth with Daddy. We had to sit for awhile as we waited for the plane to de-ice.

Oh it is so good to be home. To sleep in your own beds. To be with your whole family. To eat your own food. Our first few days home were spent with resting and getting to know each other. And...lots of resting.

I've shared before about our airport meeting with our friends and family. It was AMAZING. You can read about it here and here.

I have been wanting to get these travel journals here on the blog (which I will turn into a book for the boys). SO SORRY it has taken me so long to get these on here. Been busy !!! But I should be back up to some regular blogging here soon.

Dear Sweet Peas, So grateful we were able to travel home safe and sound to bring you to America. You were both such great travelers. I know the trip was long so glad we are home. Love, Mom

Adoption Travel Journal - Day 6 Feb. 24, 20 - Wednesday

2010-04-14T20:10:00.000-07:00

Fikadu with his HH friends at meal time in the hotel.

We are finding some kind of a little routine here in country. Get up, get dressed, go to breakfast...order yummy coffee and visit with the other families that are there at breakfast...find out how everyone did in the night. By now...we are ALL tired. Each one of us in our group is ready to head on home. Ate simosa (lentil pocket) and yogurt at breakfast (again).

Today is the birth parent meeting for 2 of the families in our group. Everyone else has a child from the southern region which means no birth parent meeting. Regina is here by herself so we decided to go and support her for her birth parent meeting. Sad to say the other birth parent meeting never happened, the birth father wasn't able to make it. I wasn't going to bring the boys back to HH but this actually proved to be a good thing for our boys. We went over to HH with the 2 families for their birth family meetings. Fikadu had a really hard time once we got there. It became clear to him that he just didn't belong here at HH anymore. They scooted him out of the class room and wasn't included in the meal or snack time. It seemed liked he could tell he felt out of place.

Because of this, he was sad and he cried for the first time and let me snuggle him. Chuck was busy video taping the birth parent meeting for Regina, so I had both boys, the sling, the back pack and the fanny pack all on my lap trying to comfort our little guy. I am grateful for that moment and the closure it might have provided for Fikadu.

Fikadu has itchy scabies bumps all over him. He is so uncomfortable and itchy. I wish that I had brought more to treat to itching reaction to scabies. He is coming to me for his needs, but I wish I could do more to help him out.

Another treat of visiting HH again was to take some more pictures of all those sweet children. It was morning time and the babies were out for their sun bath. Too cute. It is so clear how well cared for the children and babies are. They are all happy and have a simple joy that is contagious. I tried to walk around and pray for each child I saw and the special mothers too. Prayed that these children would be a blessing to their forever families, for God's mercy and grace in their lives. Prayed that they would connect and bond with their mommas and daddies. Prayed for the whole adoption process in Ethiopia, that God would continue to keep it open for the need is so great.

As soon as we left, we went back to the hotel for lunch and and then it was off the the meeting with Almaz to get our paperwork and documents that allow us to leave the country and enter the States. The kids played while we had our meeting. Almaz shared with us a piece of her heart and her passion for the children their, her country and the Ethiopian people. She is such an amazing women and I will continue to pray for her. I am so grateful my boys were blessed to have her as a special caretaker of them.

I feel like we were so blessed with such a great travel group. These families will forever be part of our lives. We have experienced the most amazing journey together and I praise God for our group.Fikadu with his buddy. Notice the dramatic Ethiopia look on his face.

The evening was the second special event of the trip. The cultural dinner. WOW...what a night. The food and dancing was fantastic. Fikadu wasn't happy about being pulled out of his nap in order to go to this event, but once he got there, he had a great time.

Some of our group at the cultural dinner.

Notice the hand washing and all the fantastic Ethiopian food. The boys ate and ate and ate.

I can't even begin to capture the evening in words. We were all mesmerized by the dancing. The moves were nothing short of spectacular. Shoulder popping, hip wiggling, head swinging fun. If you are preparing to travel....make sure you go to this event. And bring your camera and video camera, you don't want to miss any of it.

Abush eating out of my hand. He still does this. And I have become the human high chair. He eats almost every meal sitting on my lap.

Dear Sweet Peas,

I hope we can find ways to incorporate your Ethiopian culture into your life. It is full of history and passion. Watching you both soak up the evening at the cultural dinner was a highlight of our trip.

Love, Mom

We interrupt this adoption travel journal with a small break for CUTENESS !!!

2010-04-05T12:39:00.000-07:00

Just had to invite you over to our family blog for some pictures from the weekend. I am trying to finish my travel journal posts but I am still lacking some pictures. So instead of waiting on that...I thought I would post some pics of our precious children. Oh my goodness...I could just eat them up they are sooooooo cute.

Head on over to our Peapod and see some more photos of the family. Click HERE.

Adoption Travel Journal - Day 5, Feb 23, 10 - Tuesday

2010-03-29T05:33:00.000-07:00

Today proved to be a harder day. Fikadu was sad most of the day and Abush was very upset at meals. It felt like we started off pretty strong and as the days went by, it was more challenging. Since we treated the boys for scabies the first night, the treatment proved to work, but the intense itching and bumps were very uncomfortable for Fikadu. I had limited supplies to care for his itching. We used some antihistamine but needed some anti-itch cream.

We got up and washed the boys up and went down to breakfast. Fikadu loves it when he sees his friends at meals. He just lights up when we can eat together. It will be hard when he won't have his buddies once we get home. I am praying that the boys become better friends as they grow up together.

Most of the families decided to go shopping today. If you chose to go shopping, you have to take your children back to HH or one of the parents have to stay behind. Since we have 2 kiddos and they both prove to take one parent's attention, we decided to not go shopping. It would just be too hard for the parent who stayed behind and we didn't think going back to HH would be good for our bonding. Instead I sent some birr with one of the other families and asked for a few little things.

Since we stayed behind we spend the day in our room here at the hotel. We got the family suite which is 2 rooms and a little sitting room.

Here is one of the rooms with the bigger bed. This is where I slept with Abush.

Here is the other room where Fikadu and Chuck slept. This room had a window which let in some light and a breeze and lots of noise.
Here is the hall that connected the 2 bed rooms. All the furniture was really large and clunky. And much of the drawers and shelves were falling apart.

Here is Chuck in the bathroom. You had to step up 2 steps to go inside and Chuck hit his head many times in the door way. You had to remember to duck to get in. A big blessing was being able to flush the toilet paper (something that isn't customary in Ethiopia).Here is the hot water heater that we used to heat the water. Ours only worked a little bit.Here is the little sitting room when you first walk into the room. Then you go up about 5 steps to get to the hall with the bathroom and bedrooms.

The boys just had a hard day today. Fikadu pouted and sulked about everything. He didn't want to eat, he was rejecting and pulling away from me. It is pretty common for the boys to throw a fit when they don't get their way. They didn't eat at meals and just had a hard time. By now, we are all tired. Chuck and I haven't slept hardly at all and that is catching up to us. We are also not eating much so we are tired and exhausted. I've noticed how winded I am when I climb several flights of stairs (the altitude in Addis is around 7,000 ft). We all took a nap after lunch and that helped pass some of the time here at the hotel. Our water still isn't working great so it is hard to get the shampoo out of my hair. It seems to look worse after I wash it. All of that adds up to just not feeling like yourself.

Chad and Courtney came over to play in our room for a little bit. It is so nice to have them to connect with. We have enjoyed our travel group so much. The blessing of having Christian families to share this experience with is a huge blessing. I really didn't know how important having a Christian agency would be, but it proved to make our whole experience throughout the adoption so much better.

All the kiddos here have coughs and colds and runny noses and ear infections...the list goes on. They share everything so the germs get passed around a LOT. I put both boys on antibiotics the day we got here. I also used eye drops and ear drops on Abush. I was very thankful I brought the right medicines. I was able to share some with some of the other families in our group.

Regina and Siti came to play in the afternoon. We ended up going to dinner with them. It was the only day we had 3 meals in the hotel restaurant. The other days we would snack for one meal in our room. We ordered injera for the kids and they ate it right up. Most of the time, they say no to the food at first and then give in and eat it.

I finally took some Tylenol pm to help me sleep, it was a better night but still we were up a lot of the night. Still trying to figure out these little guys and make sure we can help meet their needs. Each day if full of both good moments and some hard ones too.

Dear Sweet Peas,

As hard as it is to watch you grieve and cope with the changes in your life, I am thankful that you are doing so. I pray that someday you can find true comfort and peace in Christ alone.

Love, Mom

Adoption Travel Journal - Day 4 - Feb 22, 10 Monday

2010-03-28T06:04:00.000-07:00

We woke the boys up early so we could be ready for our embassy appointment. I rubbed their backs to wake them up. Fikadu woke up, looked at me and smiled. Both boys wanted to get their shoes right away (something they did every day at first). We got dressed and ate breakfast at the hotel buffet. Abush ate bread with peanut butter and Fikadu ate a lentil pocket.

The whole group met together and drove to the embassy appointment which is across Addis (about an hour to get there). We rode in a bus so there was room for our whole group. It is a shame you can't bring any electronics on this trip because the drive through town is so interesting. People everywhere, lots of traffic, tons of cars, buses and vans, but NO TRAFFIC LIGHTS. We also noticed a lack of motorcycles or scooters (unlike India or Honduras).

We waited awhile for all the families to have their appointments. After going through security you wait in a waiting room or stand outside and listen for your name to be called. Once it is your turn, you head upstairs and go to the service window and answer the questions they ask. Almaz is there if you need anything but it was smooth sailing for us. We brought snacks and toys for the boys. On the ride back Abush fell asleep on me and slept through lunch (good thing I had the sling for him).

We ordered french fries and pasta to eat. Fikadu didn't want to eat but once he tried it, he ate it up. The families all met in the "ball room" in the afternoon to play a little bit. The big kids played while the parents looked at some pictures of the southern region or visited. Abush really shuts down emotionally when we are with people or at meals. But once we are back in the room, he jabbers, plays, squeals and giggles. Fikadu played a bit with me. I wrote his name on some paper and he copied the letters. We also colored and played with stickers. He didn't like when he made a mistake and tried to erase it (too bad it was a pen).

We were so tired so we went to bed early. The boys slept just fine but again no sleep for Chuck or I. Not sure if it is jet lag or just adjustment. There is so much for all of us to process through. For both the boys and for us. Each of our families in our group are having their own challenges. Either sickness, not connecting, not eating, not sleeping...all the things you know are part of the grieving process. As I was up most of each night, I spent my time praying for our group.

Dear Sweet Peas,

Today was the last hurdle to jump here in Ethiopia for our adoption. It is a blessing for us to be here in your native country and experience all the wonderful Ethiopian people. Each one we see is so beautiful. Makes me wonder what you each will look like when you grow up. Handsome for sure.

Love, Mom

Adoption Travel Journal - Day 3 Feb. 21, 10 Sunday - MEETING THE BOYS

2010-03-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

We woke up around 8:00 am and were grateful for the 8 hours of sleep. I started to get ready for the day to head down for breakfast and couldn't find a hair brush (looks like I forgot one). Instead of showering, we went down to breakfast (buffet is included with the cost of the room).

There were some other AGCI families there who had come early. They had toured the southern region and already had their babies. Sooooo tiny and adorable.

Breakfast was a buffet. Omelet or scrambled eggs made to order, dry bread (french toast?), sausage, lentil pocket (somosa?), cereal, fruit, juice, coffee. Oh the wonderful Ethiopian coffee. Yummmm.

I got a hair comb from one of the other families and headed back to the room the get ready and unpack. When we were up in Courtney's room, it was fun to look out across the street and see the kids playing soccer, a man carrying a huge load of sticks and a donkey walking through the soccer game. All so normal here. Such great sights.

We didn't have hardly any water pressure and no hot water yet, so it was a trickle of a shower and pretty chilly. Enough to get clean and get my hair washed. Our blow dryer didn't work so I just let my hair air dry (I kind of had some scary hair most of the trip- oh well). Chuck ran to the lobby to send an email home to say we were here and safe.

After we had a quick lunch in the hotel restaurant, we met Almaz for our meeting. She went over all the needed paperwork for the embassy appointment and gathered the funds for the visa's for the children. Only crisp and new looking bills are acceptable. She also gave us a quick run down on all the kids. A bit of their personalities and eating habits. Then it was time to head to HH. The moment we all were waiting for. Meeting our children.

The anticipation was so electric. Each and everyone of us could hardly contain our emotions. We went to HH in 2 groups and we were in the second group. The other families that rode their with us were able to video tape and take pictures because they had already met their children.

The dirt road that HH is on is hardly much of a road at all. Dirty and bumpy. I was trying to soak it all in so I could tell the boys someday. But it was so hard to concentrate. We drove in the gate and got out of the van and Almaz went to find the boys. Even now as I think back to that moment, the tears just pour down my cheeks. To have these precious children walk up and be introduced to you is almost unreal. Fikadu came to Chuck and gave him a hug. Almaz encouraged us to focus on him because he was nervous in meeting us. I could hardly catch my breath.

Here they were. Our sons. In our arms. Little strangers that God hand picked for our children.

I wish I could adequately put into words what we were feeling. Grateful. Here we were with our arms stretched out say "here we are...ready for you...ready to be here for you...no matter what".

We were so grateful for God's design. Grateful that we were chosen to be their much needed parents. Grateful they didn't initially kick and scream and cry.

You could tell from their eyes how unsure they were. Not exactly sure they understood that we were there, from a whole different land to be their mommy and daddy. I know Almaz explains to them, but I do wonder what they were thinking at that time.

Abush let me hold him all afternoon. He quickly heard a little music toy in my bag and was interested in it. Glad I had it to use to provide some kind of security. He held that toy up to his ear the whole afternoon. We just kept pushing the button to make the music play.

Chuck and Fikadu played with some of the toys we brought. Interactive toys were the best ones to have. Something to do together and allow the moments to be less intimidating. The helicopter toy was a hit. Along with balls and bubbles and cars.

We were able to take a little self guided tour around HH and saw where the children sleep. Somehow through the language barrier, we got Fikadu to show us his bed and room. At once the boys were in the same room, but one of them had been moved to be with other children closer to their ages.

Each time we walked into a room the special mothers called out the boys' names and showed affection. Abush was not interested in letting him be close to him at all. He did allow me to carry him in the sling and I wore him the rest of the day (actually the rest of the week).

It was time to head back to the hotel and eat some dinner. All the families piled in the van and the kids waved goodbye and off we went. As simple as that. All that work. All the time and energy you spend on the paperwork and planning and preparing and here they sit, with you in a van and you drive off. They are your children.

At the hotel, we gave the boys cups with water and they both chugged them down. I filled up the cup 3 times for Fikadu. He sure was a thirsty boy. We also gave them Cheerios and other snacks. They gobbled those up quickly too.

It is clear that Abush doesn't like it when he gets his way. Fikadu quickly gives anything up to please his little brother. One of the ways he cares for him. Their little friend Siti (Regina's daughter) came over for water and snacks and played with the boys.

We gave them a "stand up bath" with the trickle of water (kind of cold). Abush went first and cried the whole time. And then it was time for scabies lotion and new jammies. Fikadu did just fine in the bath.

Chuck ran to the lobby for something and Fikadu seemed sad when he left. I had thought all along that he would connect well with Chuck. Seems like my prediction was right.

We looked at some books and had more snacks and then it was time for bed. Fikadu seemed sad and scared at bed time. I was able to rub his back and sing him to sleep. Abush seemed tired and scared. I also rubbed his back and sang him to sleep too.

I had no idea of Fikadu would stay dry all night so I was up a few times to take him to the potty. Otherwise, both boys slept through the night. Chuck and I were wide awake the WHOLE night. Must have been too excited or alert to sleep.

My thoughts on how the boys are coping. Abush seems to disengage as his coping skill. He won't look at you or respond. He pulls away and turns himself away from you. He did look at me a few times, but only for a second. He babbled a little bit. Unlike some of the other kids from HH, he didn't cry when he is near us, but he does seem emotional distant. Fikadu warmed up to us as the day wore on. He was VERY timid at first, and stiff. But he was able to connect with Chuck and play together. He did let me sit near him while I rubbed his arm or back. Slow steps, all together great first day. And their responses to us are totally normal.

Dear Sweet Peas,

We have thought about this day for a very long time. The day we finally meet face to face. It is what we call our "gotcha day". The day that we will celebrate for years and years as a very special day in our family history.

Love, Mom

Adoption Travel Journal - Day 1 Feb. 19, 10 Friday

2010-03-21T10:30:00.000-07:00

Finally the day we leave. We have worked so hard to be ready for our trip and now it is time to say goodbye to the girls and give quick hugs and head out the door. We left from the local airport around 1:30 pm and had a short flight to Detroit. I ended up sitting near a talk-a-tive lady who had LOTS of opinions and wanted to share them all with me. Chuck and I didn't have seats together on this flight.

When we were waiting to board the next flight in Detroit, a few people noticed my Africa shirt and asked if we were adopting. We ended up connecting with 2 other families (not from our agency). It was so neat to all be on this journey for the same purpose.

This couple here were also adopting 2 boys and this was their first time traveling outside of the country. On the overnight flight to Amsterdam, neither Chuck nor I slept much (about 8 hours).

Changing planes in Amsterdam we met 2 more families (both with AGCI). It was fun to meet Courtney and Chad (we had emailed back and forth). Felt like we were meeting family for the first time. =)

On the third flight we met a man from Ethiopia who was able to help us with some of our phrases. He was very positive and encouraging about our adoption and told us we were giving these boys a life and we were helping them in a huge way.

On this same flight (from Amsterdam to Addis) there was a man in front of us that caused some trouble. When we were going through security, he beeped multiple times and cause some concern. He was scolded by the flight attendants and was told he could not have anymore beer. They also told him to quit asking for more. He was also eating off of other people's plates and hid under his layers of coats and hood and wrapped himself in a blanket (kind of freaked me out). When we landed they told him to wait to be escorted off the plane. And as soon as the flight attendants looked away, he ran off.

Needless to say, we didn't sleep on that flight either. We were so tired and hopeful that we could sleep at the Rivera. I loved seeing the map on the screen in front of me as we crossed the ocean. I took some pictures to show the girls as we crossed over areas we have studied in history.

What can I say, I am a teacher at heart and couldn't pass up a learning opportunity.

We noticed in Amsterdam how tall the people were and how many of them speak more than one language. Kind of puts us Americans in our place. We should work harder at that.

Samson (my seat mate) also told us Abush is a name you give a baby before you name it. Like little guy, or precious one, or baby boy. Not really a real name for a grown man.

We landed in Addis around midnight and stood in line with all of the other families to buy our visa and go through customs. All of this took well over an hour and it was so late and we all were tired. We learned it is just easier to be flexible and easy going rather than uptight. It was great to have other families from the same agency with us in line. We felt a sense of security being in a group. There were 4 families all together in our flight from Amsterdam with AGCI.

After we gathered our luggage (all of it arrived, but the donation bins cracked and were broken) and had our final check through security (had to show our claim checks for the luggage) we saw Wess and Johannes waiting for us with smiles on their faces.

We loaded our luggage onto a cart and headed outside to the van. The Ethiopian men wanted tips for helping with the luggage and were not happy with singles. They wanted a five dollar bill for their tip. The guys did a great job loading ALL of the luggage on the van and strapped it down tight.

The drive to the hotel (late at night) was about 2o min. We had to fill out some paperwork at the hotel and they took a copy of everyone's passport. By this time, we were sooooooo tired and just ready to crash. We had been traveling for over 24 hours and were awake longer than that.

We got to our room and just crashed on the bed and slept. It was the only night we actually had a good night's rest while we were in Ethiopia. We took some tylenol PM and found some jammies and slept until morning.

This little guy has such a precious smile

2010-03-17T11:39:00.001-07:00

Not to mention a beautiful face. He is also a joker. He loves to be silly. He tends to crawl into bed with Chuck around 2:00AM looking for some cuddles. He loves to be a helper. Watching him discover something new is the highlight of my day. He snuggles into my lap for stories each night and smells just yummy after bath.

He has the cutest little phrases and is learning to say many things in English. Our favorite is "oopus" ( for oops). He has such a cute accent when he speaks. He hands over any toy his little brother wants and cares for him tenderly.

Dear Sweet Pea,

How grateful I am that God hand picked you for our family. It is a blessing and a joy to be your momma and I pray that God has a special job for you to serve Him as you grow. Oh how I love you.

Love, Mom

We call him "Little Man"

2010-03-15T12:23:00.001-07:00

He is as cute as they come. Just about as determined as can be. Precious as all get out. Keeps me on my toes. Has such big eyes and beautiful curls. I could just eat him right up. Oh...how I love my Little Man.

Dear Sweet Pea,

You are a blessing to me. I am honored to be your momma. I love holding you and rocking you to sleep. I praise God for your determined spirit. I am so glad you are my Little Man.

Love, Mom